Hello. I am covering for Sara M. while she is off doing a differential diagnosis of some lasagna or something. And ennui go: The patient du jour is a crime scene cleaner upper complete with blood puddle and general grossery. Then the guy puts on a suit to meet his wife who thinks he is still in real estate. To celebrate they eat still-moving octopus and then nature wreaks its revenge and he almost dies. Is it the chemicals from his job, illicit Vicodin prescriptions, Boric acid exposure? Duh, no, because those were the first diagnoses. New differential please?
A lumbar puncture is both diagnostic and punitive because the patient is mostly suffering from pants-on-fire-ism. While they are testing for meningitis his feet turn blue. This new symptom allows them to cross meningitis off the list and start testing for a new disease. They restore circulation to his feet just in time for the hallucinations and the accidental domestic violence to start up. Dr. Amber Tamblyn guilts the guy into telling his wife the truth that he lost everything in the economy, including his job, and maxed out the credit cards. She leaves him just as his fever returns and his hearing disappears. To the MRI! And a seizure, kidney failure, a coma, and a death sentence. House sends Dr. Amber to get consent for a Hail Mary round of chemo. During his wife’s tearful goodbye, she admits she’s pregnant. The team holds one last differential and House finally stares into the middle distance and figures it out. Unfortunately it is too late. The guy is dead. And another single mother is born.
Meanwhile, Cuddy wants House to go to a charity gala because she is getting an award. He agrees, but no one believes him. Typical shenanigans ensue (contrarian bets, Wilson subterfuge, cash money offers) while House pretends he’s just being a nice guy supporting his * gag * girlfriend. Then House tries to prove his goodwill by hiring a mariachi band. Wilson thinks it’s all a gag to embarrass Cuddy, but she actually wants a mariachi band.