Let us preface this by identifying ourselves as a 22-year-old independent and strong-willed female. One who also shares a sense of humor with her 17-year-old brother. Let’s just say that heading straight to the center of the Spike universe is not the least bit scary to us, save for the anticipation of a bevy of hotter-than-us, half-naked girls to be flitting around at all times. Below, find our account of last Saturday’s event (June 4), and what you won’t see on the Friday broadcast.
]]>Cameron Diaz props for being the ultimate guy’s girl
during the shows opening monologue. Her humor stretches beyond just dude
humor to something that both sexes can appreciate, making her a
fantastic choice to kick off the show. Her ex-flame and “Bad Teacher”
co-star Justin Timberlake handed out the first award of the night: The
Holy Grail of Hotness. He, of course, used the opportunity to sprinkle
in plenty of male appendage jokes and comedy at the expense of females
everywhere. Somehow though, we still laughed… Mostly because he was
right about cuddling and about headaches. Sorry, guys.
In general, there was a no apologies approach to the humor and frankly,
we prefer it that way. A married Joel McHale poked fun at the
overarching theme of the night, referring to models Rosie
Huntington-Whiteley and Candice Swanepoel as “the objectified nominees”
while introducing the “Our New Girlfriend” category. Somehow it feels
more okay to laugh about something when you acknowledge that it’s a
little bit wrong.
It takes a lot to make us uncomfortable. Wiener jokes in the form of a
certain Congressman and an NFL legend: Fine. Jokes at the expense of
women: Mostly fine. But still, there was one point in the night that
made us squirm a little in our seats. The “Manvention” award for
Japanese 3D pornography came complete with a suggestive (though not
graphic) clip, which can be summed up as weird and awkward to say the least. We can’t
imagine a whole lot of males enjoying the clip either, but we’ll have to
wait and see what you all think when it airs.
Also making an appearance on the stage was Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, and we had kind of forgotten how funny he is. Watching his performance
from the green room had us busting out laughing on multiple occasions —
and we weren’t even drinking half as much as the guests. The green room
was filled with two full bars, hand-passed hors d’ourves, white couches
and candles everywhere. Celebs floated in and out between their
appearances on-stage to enjoy a cocktail and chit chat. We mostly succeeded in playing cool, except for some awkward eye contact made with Aziz
Ansari. Sorry Aziz, we were just caught off guard!
Celebs also made it a point to put in some quality time with the U.S.
troops throughout the night. For as many hot girls were in attendance,
there was even more of our military present. Producers set up a
photo op area backstage where celebs could go hobnob and take pictures
with the troops, and both parties seemed to be totally loving it.
Short skirts were a staple in the wardrobe of nearly every lady on-hand,
so imagine our surprise to run into the incredibly gorgeous Eva Mendes
backstage in a purple floor length gown. She looked demure compared to
the rest of her colleagues. Until she turned around, that is. The “Other
Guys” actress looked classy for sure, but we challenge anyone to not
get a little hot and bothered by the backside of that dress.
With Mendes and her exposed back just inches away from our right hand,
it made us even more aware of what other celebrity rear-ends were close
enough to grab. Not that we ever would … but it’s just nice to
be aware of these things, right? With our left hand, we easily had Jim Carrey within grasp, and Mark Wahlberg
was never far away, along with the real life “Fighter,” Micky Ward. We
did touch David Spade, but that was just on the arm as we squeezed by to
leave the room.
Noticeably absent from the festivities was the “Hot and Funny” honoree,
Sofia Vergara. No word on why she didn’t make it, but we were definitely
disappointed. On the bright side, Jennifer Aniston and her “Decade of
Hotness” were in full attendance.
Did we mention the live monkeys on stage? Cause there was that, too.
Tune in to Spike on Friday (June 10) at 9 p.m. ET/PT to see it all go down.