Warning: There are “Teen Wolf” spoilers in this article. Read at your own risk!
Excuse us for a moment while we scrape the remnants of our jaws off the floor. MTV’s “Teen Wolf” finally revealed the identity of the mysterious Alpha and to say we were shocked is an understatement. Let’s just say we never expected this person to be The Alpha. Well played, Jeff Davis. Well played.
Enough with the small talk — let’s get into all the action that Monday, July 25’s episode (“Wolf’s Bane”) of “Teen Wolf” had to offer:
We start off with the Alpha who decides to pay a visit to
everyone’s no one’s favorite chemistry teacher Professor Harris and pulls a Harry Potter screaming for the petrified teacher to look at him. (If you don’t get the Harry Potter reference, look at your life, look at your choices and then go read the books and/or watch the movies.) Turns out Harris was on Laura Hale’s hit list.
Just when we think Harris is a goner, Derek shows up just in time to save him and possibly take on the Alpha, but the police decide to crash the party and chase Derek because, you know, Scott told everyone he’s a murderer. Classic Scott. Oh, Allison’s dad joins the fun and starts shooting at Derek. Derek’s having a really great night. At least he’s getting some much-needed cardio.
When Scott (who is a pretty good driver for someone we’ve only seen ride a bike so far) and
Seth Cohen Stiles pick up Derek from his nighttime jog, the Elder Wolf bashes the cops for ruining his chance to get Alpha and Stiles sticks up for his dad because he’s the greatest person ever. The next person on Derek’s list o’ blame is Scott. Scott’s defense? “Can we seriously get past that? I made a dumb-ass mistake.” Oh Scott, never change.
Next up we see Jackson at the doctor getting his getting the little gifts Derek left on his neck checked out — better late than never! — and describes some nightmares he’s been having about fire, a house and screaming. We’re thinking some of Derek’s memories have been transferred over to Jackson. Pretty cool, no?
The doctor decides to start pulling something out of one of of the cuts and we would describe it but we were too busy throwing up to keep watching the scene. Sorry to be total girls right now, but EW! (Summer Roberts would be so proud.)
Phew — it was just a dream and the doctor says Jackson’s neck is fine and he can still play in his lacrosse game. But wait! It turns out Jackson has been poisoned with… wolfsbane! Jackson gets his think on. (Side-note: Every episode should feature Jackson shirtless. Are we right or are we right?)
Jackson tries to charm Scott’s nurse-mom and hey, it works! Having awesome cheekbones has its perks. Jackson smirks and looks way too pleased with himself. Who cares if you get fired as long as Colton Haynes smiled at you for a hot minute? Later, he goes up to Scott at school, tells him that he knows what he is and then demands Scott to get it for him too. We so called this. Jackson threatens to tell Allison what Scott is if he doesn’t get the “bite, scratch, sniffing magic fairy dust under the moonlight,” etc. Notice he never actually used the word werewolf? We did.
Stiles is smart and notices the same exact thing because he’s just as awesome as us. Scott’s solution? Find a non-existent (as of now) cure. Um, we’re thinking Scott should leave the whole making plans business to Stiles.
Scott heads to class, asks Allison if he can send her some pictures (kind of creepy), she says yes and he sends her pictures of the two of them kissing (kind of cute). His picture taking stills are extraordinary. She leaves class all upset because she now has evidence that she made out with a hot guy. OK, she’s actually starting to feel even worse for breaking up with him and asks him not to talk to her. “I need more time to get to just friends,” she says before skipping class. What a rebel.
Oops, we forgot to mention this entire time that Scott needs Allison’s necklace. (Jewelry that’s important? What is this, “The Vampire Diaries”?!) Stiles says to just steal it. We agree. GP?S. (First one to figure that out receives a gold star!)
Jackson proves to be a lot smarter than anyone originally thought and realizes he can have a one-sided conversation with Scott from across the room. “I’m going to ruin your life if you don’t get me what I want.” He sounds like one of the girls from “Toddlers & Tiaras,” right? He then also proves to be an even bigger douche than we originally thought when he says Allison has a “tight little body” and is probably “a screamer.” But hey, at least he knows how to look good while eating an apple. Harder than it looks, people.
And now, our pick for our favorite scene ever on television (today): Danny(!!!), Derek and Stiles in Stiles’ bedroom. Because he looked up his arrest report, Stiles knows Danny can trace the person who texted Allison from Scott’s phone at the school the other night. Danny’s all, “I just want to do lab work. Who’s the hot brooding guy in the corner?” Stiles says it’s his cousin Miguel. (We should all refer to Derek as Miguel the rest of the series, right? Right.) Danny notices blood on Miguel/Derek’s shirt, Stiles tells him to borrow one of his shirts. Miguel/Derek holds up a shirt and says, “This… no fit.”
Just perfection. Moving on. Scott is snooping in Allison’s room and finds out she’s been doing some reading on werewolves in her spare time. We guess she’s thinking about joining the family business. Oh yeah, he also finds the necklace.
Back to the Trio of Perfection. Danny traced the call and says it was placed from… Scott’s mom’s computer at the hospital. Ruh-roh.
When Scott tries to make his getaway, Allison’s dad
invites forces him in and gives Scott a beer. (Can we just say that we love that Scott rides a bike. It’s just so high school, you know?) We’re thinking there’s wolfsbane in the bottle and we feel like proud mama wolves when Scott doesn’t drink it. Baby steps! Allison’s dad asks Scott how he knows Derek Hale. Scott’s reply? “Who?” One baby step forward, two baby steps back.
While on her daily run, Allison decides to check out the Hale house where her aunt Kate is just chillin’ like a villain… and speaking like one too. She talks about murder and being a murderer and starts chanting “redrum, redrum, redrum!” OK, just kidding about that last part. Allison says how she hated feeling weak and scared when she was trapped in the school. We love that the girl wants to save herself, how Joss Whedon of her. Kate asks Allison to be patient and tells her she can give her exactly what she wants. Is Allison about to become a mini-Kate?
Allison’s dad is grilling Scott about his friendship with Derek, saying he’s just looking out for his daughter. Scott swears everything he did in the school was to protect Allison. Guess who just happens to be listening to this conversation from the hallway? Allison! Man, she’s a fast runner.
Derek and Stiles, who are hanging out in the jeep, are chatting with Scott about Allison’s necklace. Scott is more worried about Stiles’ chance at lacrosse stardom than the necklace and tells him he needs to get to the field or he won’t play. Stiles would rather find out what’s going on with Scott’s mom but doesn’t tell his best friend that nugget of information. That would be kind of awkward.
Before the odd couples goes to investigate, Derek says, “Oh, one more thing” and bashes Stiles’ head against the steering wheel. What’s up new favorite .gif?! “You know what that was for,” Derek tells Stiles before he even gets the chance to ask. We’re thinking it’s for shamelessly using Derek’s body to get Danny to trace the call. Don’t worry, Stiles. Derek will one day realize it was for the greater good.
Jackson decides to annoy Scott a little more before the big game and finds out about the hunters (Allison’s family) and the Alpha. Once again, Jackson proves he’s smarter than we gave him credit for because he throws a truth-bomb that blows up in Scott’s face: Allison’s last name, Argent, means silver in French. Someone pays attention in class! For the record, we think Jackson would make an awesome werewolf.
Stiles is walking through the hospital while on the phone with Derek who is telling him to look for the nurse that helps his uncle Peter Hale — the one who has burns on half of his face (kind of like the Hound in “Game of Thrones,” which you all should be watching). When Stiles says he isn’t there, Derek tells him, “Get of there right now, it’s him. He’s the Alpha!” Before Stiles can leave, Peter shows up and says, “You must be Stiles.” Don’t you dare hurt our Stiles, Alpha Peter. We searched long and hard for our Seth Cohen replacement and we’re not ready to let go of him yet, thank you very much.
Before Alpha and his weirdo nurse/accomplice can get to Stiles, who thinks he’s about to die, Derek appears, knocks out nurse Jennifer with his elbow (we may or may not have shouted “Word!”) and tells his uncle, “She was a psychotic bitch helping you kill people.” Oh and then quickly tells Stiles, “Get out of the way.” Have we mentioned how awesome Tyler Hoechlin is in this episode yet? Stiles just sighs and says, “Oh damn,” before ducking down. Have we mentioned how awesome Dylan O’Brien always is yet?
Alpha Uncle reveals he never meant to kill Derek’s sister Laura, but Derek doesn’t want to hear it and attacks. Alpha Uncle knocks him down and Stiles scrambles away proving it’s better to run and hide than to die.
“My mind, my personality were literally burned out of me,” Peter reveals while dragging Derek by the throat. “It’s being driven by pure instinct.” When he goes to fish keys out of his nurse’s pocket, Derek gets up and asks, “You want forgiveness?” before punching him. Yeah, we’re pretty sure that’s not what he’s looking for, D. Peter responds with a headbutt and “I want understanding,” which is followed up with a kick. Recapping fight scenes is hard, y’all!
“Do you have any idea what it was like for me during those years? Slowly healing cell by cell, even more slowly coming back to consciousness.” He says becoming an Alpha pushed him over the edge in the healing process, which is his excuse for killing Laura. Worst. Excuse. Ever. Peter says he tried to warn Derek about what was happening.
“It was six years ago and in my defense it was before I’d gotten sober,” Harris tells Stiles’ dad. He confesses he told a woman he met at a bar how she could get away with murder, how to burn down a house and what not. You know, typical pickup lines. Turns out, the chick burned down the Hale house with the information he gave her. The only thing he remembers is the necklace she was wearing — it’s Allison’s necklace! “You find the girl wearing that necklace, she’s your arsonist,” Harris says.