Producer SallyAnn Salsano warned Zap2it’s readers to watch out for two things in the “Jersey Shore” season premiere that would set up the entire fourth season. We’re pretty sure we’ve got them identified, but more on that later.
First off, we open with Snooki, Pauly, Vinnie, J-WOWW, Sammi, Deena, “The Situation” and Ronnie prepping for what we’re going to go ahead and assume is their first trip overseas since we got a peek at most of them posing for passport photos.
We find out early on what their objectives are and they aren’t too different from the goals the crew sets when they converge on Seaside Heights or Miami.
“No granatos,” says Vinnie as he sharpens up his Italian, meaning that he will not put up with any Italian “grenades” (aka chicks who don’t meet his standards of beauty and comportment). Vinnie also claims to be rocking a new beard but, even in HD, we weren’t able to make out much more than a light scruff.
“I’ll bring guys home,” says Deena, who joined the cast in season 3, ” but I won’t do sex.”
How could she when she’ll be super-busy studying English grammar?
Fast forward through some overly-staged travel scenes (the girls bring a lot of suitcases and have to figure out the public bus system) and we’re in Florence. What looks as if it was once a stately Italian home, perhaps even one that E.M. Forster would have considered the perfect setting for his “A Room with a View,” has been transformed by the production company into a horrible mash-up of Renaissance architecture overlaid with purple paint and the ugliest furniture they could possibly find.
“[It’s] decorated Italy style,” declares Snooki. Pretty confident statement from a woman who tried to get pesos at the Milan airport and admitted earlier in the show that she didn’t know where Italy is, only that it’s shaped like a boot.
There are a few more culture-clash moments, like Vinny’s discovery of a bidet in his bathroom.
“It’s a way of cleaning your butthole after going to the bathroom,” he explains. Apparently, he and Snooki shared a source on all things Italian.
Finally, we get to IMPORTANT MOMENT 1, in which Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino confides to Ronnie that he and Snooki have apparently been “getting it in” during the off-season. Even, claims Sitch, since Snooks has been with her new boyfriend — the perfect (for Snooki) Jianni.
“I’m gonna tell you something,” says Mike. “Nobody knows about this. Me and Snooki, we kind of hooked up. Two three months ago. She had the boyfriend and she was like ‘Yeah, there’s something there.'”
Why would Mike confide in Ronnie? And what does this mean for the three-season-spanning flirtation between Snooki and Vinnie? Vinnie seemed nothing but amused when Mike tries to cuddle up to Snooki at the club — yes, they managed to find an over-the-top meat market nightclub in Florence — and Snooki deflects his advances.
But, rewind — before we get to the club, when we’re waiting for the cabs to arrive (“Taxi arrivato!”), Pauly takes in Deena’s club outfit and says, “If these boobies could talk they would say, I’m a good time, I’m a blast in a bra.”
And, that blast is aimed straight at you, dude, since Deena confided to the confessional camera that she’d like strike up some kind of “friends with benefits” relationship with Paulie.
Which brings us to IMPORTANT MOMENT 2: Just before the credits roll, there it is — Deena and Paulie totally making out. The only way this could be more interesting is if his Israeli stalker suddenly materializes at the beginning of next week’s show.
They may be in Italy, but it sure is good to be back at the “Jersey Shore.”