Goodness! What a jam-packed, emotional, frightening hour. Officer Popular (last seen boning Ashley Marin to get Hanna out of her shoplifting charges) suddenly back on the force and showing “conclusive” evidence that the PLL’s killed Alison with this shovel, which is apparently the only murder weapon that ever could have killed Alison, if you ignore the fifty other murder weapons that are also the only weapons that could have killed Alison. It’s pretty flimsy, especially considering the case has already been closed, but really this is just a framing device for the events of the day themselves, and some pretty shocking twists at the end. Mostly, it’s about how the girls look insanely hot covered in dirt.
After a seriously weird conversation with Toby about their future children, Spencer discovers a scary crate in her living room that contains — no, Emily, not a hacked-up Dr. Sullivan — creepy talking dolls, one for each Liar, with tasks that they must complete over the course of the day to keep Dr. Sullivan from dying. Then each Liar takes an act and we see how their day went, and it’s tremendous.
First up is Aria, who is presented with materials to blackmail Jackie Molina into leaving Hollis College. Feeling horrific about it, she tells Jackie to leave town, and of course Jackie shows up later threatening to take everybody down with her — she’d rather see Ezra destroyed for sleeping with students than leave him with Aria. In the present hour, Aria is compellingly sad and self-hating when she calls Ezra from the police station, but then he accidentally confesses to Ella (that he’s been sleeping with Spencer, which isn’t even true). Speaking of Ella, she’s wonderful as usual, and Mikey’s doing better in therapy.
Next we get Spencer MF Hastings, whose task is simple: “Keep Toby safe.” His brakelines having been cut this morning, Spencer interprets this to mean breaking up with him, which provides even more terribly sad emotions for everybody. (Wren randomly appears to squeak back in there, but Spencer never makes the same mistake twice. She makes them hundreds of times.) Present-day Spencer stares terrifyingly into the one-way glass looking quite capable of murder, and the iffiness of Jason DiLaurentis’s relationship to her family gets deep enough that it’s starting to seem like Mr. Hastings is Jason’s real dad, which is crazed.