Marnie, in Lafayette’s body, ties Jesus up and makes him give her his demon-face powers, then stabs him to death (1) and heads on over to Bill’s house wearing a great big muumuu. She chains Bill and Eric to a pyre and sets them on fire. They still look pretty good, though. Tara and Holly and Sookie form a new coven and raise all the dead ghosts of Bon Temps so that they can talk to Marnie about her stupid goddamn feelings some more. Gran tells Sookie to stop being everybody’s girlfriend all the time, and then they take Marnie to witch heaven. Gran is still pretty much weird, if you were wondering.
Sookie takes Bill and Eric back to her place, and they drink a great deal of her blood. Woozy, she breaks up with both of them to focus on her career of being a waitress. Alcide drops by her work and says that they should just settle for each other instead of hoping for true love in a world without pity. He words it, of course, in such a way that it seems like a challenge so she turns him down. (I think that this show is about a woman losing her entire ****ing mind and that the first hint is that she turned down Alcide. “Why did we think this wasn’t about Sookie’s deteriorating mental health,” we will say, and then eventually remember that she turned down Alcide.) Anyway, she dumps him too, so now her boyfriend total is zero. This has consequences.
Pissed off about being abjured by Alcide, and also from being an erratic drug addict, Debbie drops by Sookie’s house with an enormous shotgun — dressed like something one of her old gutter slut outfits coughed up — and blows Tara’s head off (2). Then Sookie shoots Debbie in the face (3). It is amazing. On the downside, nobody comes to help Sookie with Tara’s brain leaking out the back of her head, because Sookie now has no boyfriends.