With Rachel still under suspension for pulling a Putin during last week’s student council elections, and in light of the still-stinging defections of Mercedes, Santana, and Brit-Brit to the warm embrace of Idina Menzel’s nurturing lady-choir, the children of New Directions face Sectionals well short of the full complement of choristers required for competition. A couple of the dangerously shaggy-haired boys from The Ever-Mute McKinley High Jazz Ensemble get corralled to fill out the group’s thin ranks — which is fine because, hey, they’re always in that goddamned music room, anyway — but Frankenteen’s certain only one person can propel the Glee Club past The Troubletones to secure a victory: Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen. Because he’s been following Trouty Mouth on Facebook, Finn knows the kid’s now living in the Kentucky-side suburbs of Cincinnati, so he and Rachel embark upon a road trip to convince Lady Lips to return to Lima. And even though Lady Lips is currently making bank performing as “White Chocolate” in Newport’s finest ladies-only supper club, Stallionz, he of course quickly gains permission from his father, Bo Duke, to transfer back to McKinley in time for the big performance. No, really — they actually got Bo Duke to play Trouty Mouth’s dad.
Naturally, Lady Lips is welcomed with open arms and top-full Solo cups by everyone in Lima, with the notable exception of St. Gay’s boyfriend, the latter of whom firmly believes Frankenteen dragged Lady Lips back into the fold only to further marginalize the former prep-school star. So, Dreamboat Blaine and Frankenteen have it out during the course of a too-brief screamy verbal slapfight in the locker room — and seriously, I really wanted Blaine to tear Finn a new one � la my lesbian TV girlfriend Santana Lopez during that argument — but they end up agreeing to be best buddies, or something, for the sake of the team.
In other news, Quinn threatens to tell Figgins about Idina and Puck, but Rachel talks her out of it, so Quinn decides to apply to Yale instead, Single-T Tina brokers a reconciliation between Gaylord Weiner and High Expectations Asian Father regarding Gaylord’s whole “God, I’m a dancer! And a dancer dances!” thing, and Sebastian The Predatory Homosexual’s designs on Dreamboat Blaine bring out a feisty, feral, and fabulously fun side of Kurt that I thought we’d never see again.
Oh, and New Directions wins Sectionals. I’m sure you’re as shocked as I am by this entirely unexpected development.