TLC has provided great guilty-pleasure TV over the years, from the Gosselins to the Duggars, and they’re at it again with their new docu-reality special, “Virgin Diaries.”
No, it’s not soft-core porn. It’s a series of stories about adult virgins: people who, for various reasons, remained virgins into their their 20s and 30s. Some for religious reasons, some for personal reasons, and some, like 35-year-old Carey, “not entirely by choice.”
This is all well and good — obviously, the choice to have sex is a personal one, and we don’t mean to imply that virginity in and of itself is funny.
But this kiss. Oh, this kiss.
The very short promo for the show introduces us to an engaged couple, 31-year-old Ryan and 27-year-old Shanna, who decide not only to save their virginity for marriage, but also their first kiss. Shanna has kissed other people, Ryan has never kissed anyone, ever.
This becomes really obvious when he lifts her veil at the wedding and plants one on her. What occurs next can barely be called a kiss. He full-on tries to eat her face. It’s what we imagine making out with an angry Velociraptor would feel like. Not that we frequently imagine making out with Velociraptors or anything, but… seriously, just watch the video.
And then immediately forward it to everyone you have ever met.