In an alternate universe, the Oscar nominee list would’ve read very differently this morning (Jan. 24). For one, Ryan Gosling and Michael Fassbender would be nominated for everything, even if they didn’t qualify. But that’s just our little fantasy world.
Patton Oswalt seems to be on the same wavelength, because shortly after he was denied an Oscar nom for his scene-stealing turn in Diablo Cody and Jason Reitman‘s criminally overlooked “Young Adult,” he reached out to fellow snub-ee Albert Brooks (robbed of a nod for his creepy turn in “Drive”) on Twitter to inform him of the greatest party we weren’t invited to, featuring most of the day’s shoulda-been-nominated actors and directors.
Yeah, we’re aware it doesn’t actually exist, but we’re still dying for an invite. Please enjoy the entire saga below:
“Join me for a drink at The Drawing Room, @AlbertBrooks? Me and Serkis have been here since 6am,” Oswalt begins, and it only gets better from there.
“@AlbertBrooks See you later tonight. Might be out of booze — Serkis has Pogues on the jukebox & Fassbender just showed up in a pirate hat,” he adds.
“@AlbertBrooks Oh s**t — we’re DEFINITELY going to run out of booze. Charlize & Tilda just pulled up in a stolen police car.”
“@AlbertBrooks Dude, GET DOWN HERE. Gosling is doing keg stands and Olsen & Dunst LITERALLY just emerged from a shower of rose petals.”
“@AlbertBrooks Nolte & Plummer just drove past, mooning us. Serkis & Tilda are signing ‘Is There Life on Mars?'”
“@AlbertBrooks Oops — Von Trier just pulled up in a pass van dressed as Goering. “Let’s go to Legoland!” With a boozy hurrah, we’re out!”
It ends, finally, with a bang: “@AlbertBrooks Oh. My. God. Just pulled up to Legoland. DiCaprio’s rented the park for the day. Dibs on the Duplo Gardens! #andscene”