So this is a thing. CBS Sports has released the “Fantasy Baseball Boyfriend,” which it describes as “a single draftee, fantasy baseball, mini game
designed for those who love baseball players. Pick your first BBBF at
the beginning of the 2012 Baseball Season. Every time your boyfriend
plays, you accumulate points based on his stats for the day. If he can’t
perform, dump him. Then pick up a new BBBF.”
Thank god. I mean, thank the good lord for CBS Sports. I’ve tried so hard to understand Fantasy Baseball and I just can’t!
*foot stomp* *hair flip*
And do you notice how this is made just for us “girls”? You can tell by the way they use phrases like “little black book” and “hunk,” like we’re all trapped in an episode of “Sex and the City.”
It’s also nice the way CBS encourages you to play the field:
- “You can date him for along [sic] as you like. Maybe he’s just good for one game.”
- “If he stays past noon, he’s your BBBF for the night.”
- “Even if your fantasy team isn’t doing well, you can still get bragging rights for having the bestest BBBF ever.”
- “Through out the season, you can look back at ex-boyfriends and see how long you’ve dated them.”
- “You can have one Baseball Boyfriend in each of your fantasy leagues. The more leagues you play in, the more boys you can have.”
- “Is it better to keep one man all season, or trade everyday? It’s up to you.”
So let’s see if I’ve got this straight – CBS Sports thinks the best way to appeal to
women girls who like baseball is to talk to them like they’re 13 years old, use innuendo that implies we also want to screw all of these men, make it sound as though regular fantasy baseball is too hard or too boring for our girl-sized brains, and wrap it all up in a graphic torn from a 7th grader’s Lisa Frank trapper keeper.
Hey, guess what, CBS? This is not going to entice female fantasy baseball players. You know why? Because they already play in a 12-team head-to-head keeper league where things like OPS (on-base percentage plus slugging percentage) or WHIP (walks plus hits/ innings pitched) are taken into account.
And if they aren’t into fantasy baseball, this isn’t going to entice them either. I know actual baseball fans who won’t play fantasy baseball. What makes you think women who don’t play fantasy baseball are suddenly going to look at this condescending tripe and think to themselves (trying hard not to smash the pea, of course), “Why yes! This is just what I have been looking for!”
If this was a brainchild of NBC, we would swear Darren Rovell was behind it.
(Thanks to @mathewbrown for the tip)