Oh boy, it’s the hometown dates episode! That’s where the Bachelor
visits the hometowns and families of the four women who are still
standing in this grim death march towards Us Weekly covers and
blessed, blessed obscurity. It’s where parents pretend to be proud of
their daughters, who this week are on television, being watched by
millions, competing to be one of just three women who will be allowed to
spend the night with this guy!
We start in Ocala, Florida, which is Lindzi’s hometown, and we come
in on a swamp with signs warning of alligators, but not gonorrhea.
Lindzi’s on a farm, wearing cowboy boots with real spurs. She tells some
story about some guy breaking her heart, and how she “literally”
thought life would end after that. Ben talks about Lindzi, saying the
non-committal stuff that Bachelors do when they’re not sure about
someone, how he could see himself falling in love with Lindzi.
Meanwhile, she’s excited for Ben to be just the second man she’s brought
home to meet her family.
And now they’re riding a carriage being pulled by a horse, and she
says horses have been a part of her life since before she was born,
whatever THAT’S supposed to mean.
And now they are having a picnic and Ben is talking about how great
horses or some bull****, like SHUT UP ABOUT HORSES like you’d think
these two invented horses the way they’re going on. And then they start
using phrases like “putting yourself out there” in that Bachelor-specific non-speak non-actual-conversation think that people do on this show.