Previously on “Survivor: One World,” Colton revealed himself to be one of the worst people we’ve ever seen on a reality show (and how hard must it be to win that title?). He’s not just a character making trouble – he’s speaking of Leif in a derogatory manner, he went after Bill in a completely ridiculous, classist (and classless) way; and then he convinced his tribemates (who for some reason treat him like God) to go to tribal just to get rid of Bill.
The women are still in disbelief at how much of a mess the guys are, but they don’t have much time to worry about that because they are randomly switching up the tribes. The new tribes are now Salani: Michael, Sabrina, Kat, Jay, Kim, Chelsea and Troyzan and Manono: Tarzan, Colton, Christina, Alicia, Monica, Leif and Jonas. And yeah, that didn’t really shake out very fairly at all for the Manonos. At least they get the better shelter?
The challenge is filling a leaky container at a water tower, carrying it as a tribe while trying to plug the holes, and use that water to fill a larger container. The awesome twist is that in addition to coffee and PB&J as a reward, the losing tribe has to go to a new beach and start over, while the winners get to stay at One World beach.
Monica really struggles for Manono – she keeps falling down. It’s like – what? What is wrong with you? And that makes the difference. Each tribe gets three buckets-full, but Salani raises the flag and Manono doesn’t.
Colton immediately makes friends by calling the other tribe Greek Gods compared to his tribe of peasants. Monica doesn’t really have a lot of room to be indignant, though, as she can’t seem to stay upright.
Everybody at this tribe is sunshine and puppies. They celebrate by catching and killing a chicken. Later, Kim finds the as-of-yet unfound women’s Hidden Idol. Oooh, nice. She lets Chelsea in on it, but no one else.
Colton is having a fit because he doesn’t like his tribe, plus his tribemates suck. Well, hopefully you guys lose and they send your jerk butt home. Colton talking-heads that even though he can be a total evil person, he knows how to charm people and get them on his side. We would say something snotty about that because he is A) Not as smart as he thinks he is and B) about as charming as roadkill, but we have no evidence to support that, in terms of how his co-players treat him. The way they act you’d think he’s Boston Rob or something.
He immediately tries to get in good with the women, and they seem to stupidly go along with a three-girls-and-Colton alliance. Hmm. Monica does not seem savvy enough or physically strong enough to play this game.
But then Colton wants to get Christina out first and tells Alicia that, to which she says no way. So Colton tells the guys he’s with them, but they are suspicious – they are working hard to make a camp and Colton’s just bopping around talking to the women.
The next day, they catch a chicken and then it immediately runs away out of the cage! Haha, that was hysterical. Colton claims these people suck at “Survivor,” but I wouldn’t exactly call Colton the master yet either.
He keeps working on Alicia to vote out Monica and Christina and keep Alicia with the guys and she inexplicably seems to buy it. What is wrong with her? I get that you are down 3-4, but why not try to tell the guys Colton is playing both sides and see if they’ll vote him out? If she goes with them and then they merge, the women may have their five-person alliance intact, but they’ll be down in numbers! It’s basic math. You gotta keep the women around, lady.
It’s a wrestling match challenge – three from each tribe race out for a ball in the water and then try to get it in the hoop. The other tribe tries to stop them by any means necessary. First to three points wins.
Round 1 is three men vs. three men. Colton is completely worthless, getting pushed over and laughing about it. Seriously, that kind of half-a**ing it would really make me mad as a tribemate. Salani gets the point.
Round 2 is two women/one man. Leif and Michael are guarding the goals and Probst points out the “height disparity.” Uh, why don’t you just call it what it is – your mancrush vs. the midget? (I am not calling Leif a midget, I am making fun of Jeff Probst.) Leif makes it tough on Michael, but it’s not enough. Salani wins again.
Round 3 is three women and Monica manages to not be completely worthless, as she gets the ball and scores for Manono. In Round 4, which is men vs. men again, Colton finally kicks it into gear and gets the ball and won’t let go. But he takes a foolish shot from way too far away and Salani gets the rebound and wins.
Well, nice to see Colton try at least.
Alicia says it will be an Oscar-winning performance as she and Colton get Monica out while keeping her thinking she’s safe. I can’t say from a competition standpoint I completely disagree with that choice, but the women should stick together and try to get somebody to vote with them.
Tarzan’s name comes up because he’s old and not overly useful, but Colton keeps telling everyone Monica. Tarzan has to be told a lot – he’s not sure who Monica is. Heh.
Monica kind of sees the writing on the wall because they talk about what a threat she is. Then there’s a segment about Tarzan’s weird manner of speaking. It’s dumb. Let’s get on with it.
The votes go Tarzan, Tarzan, Monica, Monica, Monica and Monica. No surprise there. Christina and Monica are shooting daggers at Colton.
So, not exactly the crazy shakeup the previews had us hoping for.
Next week: Is Christina gone for a medical emergency? Man, Manono is hurting.