Sabre already has a test store to open to the public in Florida. I know, it seems fast to me too. Dwight figures this is his big chance to prove himself and score the vice president’s post from Nellie. His big plan involves a lot of Chuck tie ins, appealing to his stereotype of bloggers (which turns out to be pretty accurate), building fake buzz by having Erin pose as a hipster, making Kathy flirt with the stereotypical bloggers, and, most disastrously, letting Ryan give the big presentation. These succeed to varying degrees, but Ryan panics and skips town, forcing Jim to step into his tiny little shoes. The presentation is a Ryan Howard classic, all flash and no substance, but the customers seem impressed, even if Nellie doesn’t.
Meanwhile, in Scranton, Andy explains that his new shiner is the result of his protecting Pam from a gang of two-wheeled ruffians in the parking lot, leaving out the fact that the biker who hit him was a fifth-grader on a Schwinn. In order to keep the employees from calling the cops, which would unravel his whole cover story, Andy asks Toby to teach everyone self-defense. It’s going fine, at least by Dunder-Mifflin standards, until the mother of Andy’s assailant drags her into the office to apologize. Everyone mocks Andy for getting beat up by a girl, which somehow leads to Kelly hijacking the self-defense training by attacking Toby. When Andy steps in, he gets another black eye, but avoids further mocking by pointing out that he got these injuries standing up for others. So he ends up preserving his dignity after all, at least up until he downs all the wine and painkillers.
And Dwight gets made vice president after all. God help us.