“My palms are sweating and my butt’s shaking, which is what happens when I get nervous.” — Cathy from Candy Apple’s Dance Center
Cathy’s TMI comment set the perfect tone for Tuesday’s (April 3) spring finale of “Dance Moms” on Lifetime, which was aptly titled “Abbygeddon.” It’s definitely the end of the world as we know it — and Abby Lee Miller is feeling anything but fine.
The dancers are the picture of professionalism this week as they audition for the prestigious Joffrey Ballet School’s summer program scholarship — the operative word being “ballet,” something we don’t usually see from Abby’s girls. And no amount of black leotards, pink tights and perfect buns can make Brooke’s acro-routines or Nia’s death drop look like ballet. (Incidentally, Dance Mom Kelly tweeted during the episode, “why would abby have any of the girls do acro in a ballet audition,” to which Abby replied by channeling Cartman from “South Park” with, “I DO WHAT I WANT!”) Of course, it ultimately comes down to Chloe versus Maddie once again, as both of the girls get high compliments from the judges.
The instructors — namely Abby and Cathy from Candy Apple’s Dance Center — are out of control. At the Joffrey audition, Cathy gets into a yelling match with Kelly and Christi, throwing out zingers like, “I’m not the one who’s always drunk and can’t take care of my kids.” You kiss your apples with that mouth, Cathy?
Abby joins in the fray, disrupting the ballet audition and causing the Joffrey instructor to step out and tell the women that if they can’t respect him and the girls, then at least respect the art form. Because that’s going to happen.
The next day at the competition in New Jersey, Abby puts an inordinate amount of pressure on the girls and their jailhouse routine as they go up against Cathy’s dancers once again, and this time Cathy comes out the victor — by one point. And — keeping in mind that she’s doing this to children — Cathy brings her dancers into Abby’s girls’ dressing room to gloat, leading Abby to scream out, “You are Satan!” before bursting into tears. Cathy continues channeling Satan when she steals Chloe’s red queen routine for Kendall — really, Cathy? Really? Is that why you only have two stars on Google reviews?
Regardless, Chloe gets some awesome news when her mom, Christi, gets a call that she got the scholarship to Joffrey — completely deserved. And she takes it like the modest mouse she is — graciously and humbly. Maddie then has to head to the stage after the implied news that she didn’t land the scholarship, and she does the unthinkable — in Maddie world — and forgets her dance. Maddie nearly has a panic attack, and Abby bursts into tears — again — and sobs through Chloe’s first-place-winning performance.
Afterward as Abby hugs a frazzled Maddie, the Dance Moms — with Holly channeling her Michelle Obama-ness and leading the charge — confront Abby about the fact that she’s never cried or hugged their children (namely Nia, Paige and Chloe) and has in fact berated them for forgetting their dances. Yet she treats Maddie like a gal pal — gossiping with her earlier about Chloe’s costume — and her own child at the same time.
And for once, Abby is speechless, skipping out on the awards and packing her bags immediately after. She heads to a waiting car with the parting sentiments: “I need a break — a break from these moms, away from these kids, away from the yelling.”
So what does this mean for next season? Are we going to see a softer side of Abby? Is Maddie going to take over as instructor if Abby never returns? Can Cathy please, please, please be gone for good? So many questions! But here’s the most important one: