“Fifty Shades of Grey,” the erotic novels by author E.L. James that have become the Harry Potter (aka smash hit) of mommy porn, is so ingrained into our pop culture that it’s hardly a surprise that as of Monday (April 30) the three books in the trilogy are dominating the top three spots on the New York Times bestseller list.
Now Ellen DeGeneres has tried her hand at narrating the super-naughty tale of dominance and submission. In the clip below, watch as DeGeneres not only reads, but uses props — including a whip, chains, handcuffs, a birdcage and a paddle — to bring the book to audio life.
But, uncomfortable with the material, DeGeneres makes some substitutions — calling the female nether regions a “secret garden” and referring to the male equipment as a “ball peen hammer.” She also advises against eating pancakes at the home of the book’s main character, Anastasia, because of her creative use of a spatula.
“Maybe I’m not the right person for this, but thank you for the opportunity,” says DeGeneres as she leaves the mic. “I think it’s going to be a big hit.”