Remember that time Jon Snow got whopped over the head? Well, it didn’t lead to permanent brain damage or anything. Really, the Night’s Watch just have to pack up and leave Craster’s Multigenerational Harem. Along the way, Snow learns that Lord Commander Mormont already knew that Craster gives his baby boys to weird semi-human forest dwellers. And Samwell gives a thimble to Gilly.
In more interesting news, Tyrion is getting into the swing of things at King’s Landing. Take a moment to enjoy that internal rhyme scheme. And speaking of schemes, let’s get back to Tyrion. He’s decided to find out who’s feeding information to Cersei, so he tells a different story to Pycelle, Varys, and Littlefinger. Pycelle is the spy, and even though he insists that he’s technically working for House Lannister, Tyrion sends him off to the black cells. Then Varys gets Shae (Tyrion’s secret courtesan) a job working as Sansa’s handmaiden.
In Winterfell, Bran insists that he has magic dreams where he can see through the eyes of the direwolves. This comes as no surprise, since we’ve seen him do it several times. Catelyn Stark finally meets up with Renly Baratheon, who’s got a new member of his Kingsguard: a giant lady named Brienne. He’s also got a new wife who’s really very understanding about the fact that Renly would prefer to be having sex with her brother. And Theon Greyjoy decides he’d rather impress his father than Robb Stark, so he signs on to with the Drowned God. And then he doesn’t warn Robb that the Greyjoys are about to attack the North from the sea.