Previously: Poor dumb Teresa got fired, then we got an early jump on this episode with the final four getting grilled by Marlee Matlin and John Rich, at which point Lisa was eliminated for crying that one time (and all those other times).
But we’re not done! One more celebrity needs to be jettisoned before we get to the business of the final task. Rather than get right to it, though, Trump intends to **** around with some questions first. Such as: “Clay, why does John Rich think you’re such a pussy?” (Paraphrased.) But seriously, how ****ing predictable of an ******* is John Rich? “I can’t put my finger on why, but I kind of think you’re a weak-willed Nancy? What’s up with that?” Anyway, Arsenio once again has to answer for cussing out Aubrey, which somehow leads to Trump complaining about politicians who apologize too much. The criticism of Aubrey is that she’s transparent in her gamesmanship and underdeveloped (as … a human being, I guess?). It will shock you to know that she gets defensive about this. “I’m comfortable being undeveloped, and I hope I die undeveloped.”
Trump manages to assure Aubrey that she’s beautiful anyway. And then he fires her. And then I just don’t even know anymore. Because we were all clamoring for a Clay/Arsenio final? This is just dumb. Why build Aubrey up as this monster and then see her eliminated in such an unsatisfying way? Anyway, in the aftermath interview, Aubrey proves she doesn’t know what transparent means, so she just starts throwing all these compliments at herself in the hopes that one of them will eventually counteract the charges of transparency. She claims everyone on Earth is either intimidated by her, annoyed with her, or in love with her. I can guarantee you it’s one of those three, yes.
The next day, the final two meet the Trumps at Lincoln Center, where they’re given their task. It’s a pretty standard final task: produce, host and sell tickets to celebrity charity event benefitting their chosen charity. In addition, they have to create a 30-second charity awareness ad, and also produce a variety show. For assistance, they each get to pick four team members from a pool of eliminated contestants: Adam, Aubrey, Debbie, Dee, Lisa, Paul, Penn and Teresa. I’m kind of genuinely shocked that they didn’t return to the well of Dayana drama. Better news for the finalists, I guess. Also, I was worried I wouldn’t get the pleasure of recapping Adam Carolla’s gross ass this season, so I guess there’s that.
Arsenio picks: Adam, Lisa (part of a strategy to keep her away from Clay), Paul and Teresa, who gets picked over Aubrey at the end, which is both awesome from an Aubrey-shaming perspective as well as smart, because Teresa may be incredibly dumb, but she will be a team member and not a usurper. So Clay ends up with Penn (another strategy pick, to show he can play well with people he’s had problems with before), Debbie, Dee and Aubrey (who is, I should remind you, picked LAST ha ha ha ha!!). Aubrey takes this opportunity to tell us that “haters are hating once again.” Noted, you nightmare of a person.