Anger management was the theme of the latest “Teen Mom” episode, creatively titled “Temper Tantrums.” Amber Portwood lashed out a fellow patient, Catelynn‘s landlords ruffled Butch‘s mullet, Maci‘s son hated on
day care preschool, and Farrah wigged out on her mom, Debra.
Debra was the Big Bad in this episode. Not only did she fall asleep while baby Sophia painted the condo — and the dog — with neon nail polish, but she grumbled about wearing a blue wig. Later, Farrah’s sister Ashley called Debra a “Satanic psycho” and accused her of screwing up their lives. Is Debra also to blame for her daughters’ stereo whining? Here’s hoping Ashley isn’t trying out for a recurring gig on “Teen Mom,” because we already have more Farrah than we can handle.
Meanwhile, Tyler and Catelynn have been getting along pretty well with their own parental houseguest, Butch. Unfortunately, their trailer park is less comfortable having the convicted drug felon on their property.
“I don’t know who’s telling ’em what, but they’re getting rumored that I’m a big drinker,” Butch told his son after meeting with the management. Not that he didn’t try to explain. “Listen, I’m no drinker. I’m far from a drinker. I have a few beers here and there, but I’m no juicehead. If anything, I said, I like cocaine. Cocaine and marijuana, that’s my drug of choice.”
Shockingly, despite his clarification, Butch was still given the boot. Don’t worry: he has plenty of other options: a cardboard box, a park bench and the eerie-sounding “Detroit address.” Is that a euphemism? It sounds like something Harvey Keitel would threaten you with in a Tarantino movie.
Based on his rigorous scholastic program, Maci’s son, Bentley, is just 15 years away from an Ivy League address. Yep, in preparation for the demands of kindergarten, Maci has enrolled her 3-year-old in preschool.
Here’s how the school’s administrator described their unique curriculum:
“We want to introduce days of the week. We want to introduce numbers. We want to introduce realizing like shapes are different, and colors are different. We start to introduce Spanish.”
We are so not judging — preschool can be great for kids and moms — but Bentley is bright enough to pick up these concepts at su casa. Let’s just not pretend Maci is investing in his academic future here.
Amber seems to be learning a lot about herself at rehab, but she’s not resolving her anger management issues anytime soon. Still, baby daddy Gary remains hopeful, telling his mom Amber seems “colorful.” Colorful? Maybe he’s got her confused with her dandy caseworker, “JCrew” JJ? In Gary’s eyes, JJ’s yellow slacks and purple-striped shirt must resemble the vibrant plumage of a tropical bird.
At least he isn’t wearing a prison jumpsuit.