Previously on Masterpiece Classics presents The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Albie had a very nice-seeming new girlfriend named Lindsey, but Caroline would prefer him to have a paramour named “work.” The unluckiest therapist in the world advised Teresa and Joe Gorga not to share an RV on the Napa trip while wondering what karmic atrocity made him deserve this particular professional boon. Teresa and Jacqueline were cordial to each other, while the RHONJ husbands foreshadowed drama over a giant tub of mac and cheese.
We open with a stormy scene. Literally! Like a giant storm! But I’m sure it also foretells doom. Melissa explains to her kids that she’s dumping them with her family for a while to go on a wine tasting tour. But wait! Melissa tells us that Hurricane Irene is rolling through. How satisfying would it be if JUST ONE of the cast members was hit by lightning? To whom must I sell my soul to make this happen? The ghost of Grandma Wrinkles? I WILL DO IT. No one knows how to dress for this particular trip, as evidenced by Melissa wondering if an off the shoulder silk blouse is appropriate for camping, and Teresa showing off her new sequined bathing suit. Can North Korea just bomb Franklin Lakes, maybe? Teresa says that she’s never “done camping” before. As Teresa shows Juicy a bikini with pearls on it, we hear Gia scream, “Oh my God, pack, woman.”
Jacqueline also is having a problem packing, and is a bit concerned about trying to keep up with Teresa and Melissa, fashion-wise. Don’t have an inferiority complex, little Jacks, we know that deep down you are every bit as tacky as those orange clown-women! Teresa and Jacqueline talk to their respective spouses about their truce-like incident. Their conversation made Jacqueline miss the old Teresa. Chris looks skeptical. Teresa talks about it with Juicy, who cares even less than he has for the past three weeks. He really could not give a tenth of a ****. Teresa is a little nervous about leaving her kids in the hurricane, but also might not exactly know what a hurricane is. This has all the ingredientses for a real caper!
In Hoboken, Albie and Lindsey chat about the trip (on which Lindsey is NOT going), and as Greg and Christopher look on Albie asks Lindsey if she wants to move in for a while, until she gets her roommate situation straightened out. If she is insane enough to live with those three dudes, she deserves what she gets. Albie isn’t sure how Caroline and Al will react to their cohabitation, but also doesn’t really care. But there is bigger news! With Hurricane Irene on the horizon, travel is basically going to be a giant cluster****. Chris explains that Hoboken is being evacuated and Newark is cancelling flights, so they’re going to have to drive to Pittsburgh (woo!) and wait there for five hours (go to the Warhol Museum!), then fly to Houston. Or, like, wait a day. But you know the Manzos! Why wait it out when you could have a 23 hour travel day?