When we last left our hamsters in the “Big Brother 14” house, Shane had nominated Ashley and Joe for eviction. The production also desperately wants us to think there’s a showmance happening between him and Danielle. There is not. He has told her straight-up on the live feeds that he’s not interested. Sorry to burst anyone’s bubble.
In fact, a neat juicy tidbit is that he told Britney he was actually kind of interested in Kara. So here’s hoping she comes back into the house for some reason and we get some dramaz up in here. And speaking of the live feeds, it’s not too late to sign up and you get a three-day free trial — conventional wisdom is that Thursday night’s HOH is going to be endurance, which you get to watch if you have the live feeds. Anyway.
Joe is yelling about how mad he is in the DR, but since he yells every time he’s in there, it’s hard to tell if he’s actually upset or not. Meanwhile, Frank and Boogie are doing the victory dance because Frank is not nominated.
Janelle’s players are being pouty-pouters and she tells them to go make nice with Shane — but JOE DOESN’T WANT ALL THIS NAMBY-PAMBY WOMANLY ADVICE. He’s P***ED! Ughhh, he is such a moron. Janelle knows how to play the manipulative/social part of this game. She’s very, very good at it. Listen to her, dude.
So Joe goes to kiss up to Shane, feeding him lines about winning some competitions and Shane is a little d-baggy in saying, “Wish you would’ve figured this out two weeks ago.” Shane, reel it in. You’re a good competitor, but let’s not get carried away. And stop wearing that weird girl-cut pink tank top. It looks silly.
In the DR, Joe’s all, “YOU TELL HIM I’M COMIN’! AND HELL’S COMIN’ WITH ME!” or some crap like that. I don’t even know. You can react to Shane being d-baggy, but you can’t act like he’s not a good competitor. Let’s tally up all the things you’ve won, Joe.
Power of Veto Competition
Shane, Joe, Ashley, Danielle, Wil and Frank are the POV players. Joe yells in the DR about picking Frank like he’s challenging his dad Syd to a fight in the Garden next week. He is kind of a nightmare. Joe was a last-minute replacement houseguest, in case you didn’t know, and I really wish it had been the first guy.
Speaking of nightmares, the POV competition is clown-themed, which — yikes. Pure nightmare fuel. Though Jenn looks super cute in her ringmaster outfit. The actual competition is keeping two balls rolling up two ramps. If one hits the ground, you’re out. Wow, that would be tiring.
Shane is being very calm and smooth, waiting to throw one ball until the other one is at the top of its ramp. It’s making it a lot less taxing on him. Wil, Joe and Frank, meanwhile, are way too hurried and they are out first, second and third. Danielle follows and then Ashley kind of panics, while Shane stays cool as a cucumber and wins.
JOE IS UNHAPPY ABOUT LOSING.
Pre POV Ceremony
Shane and Britney are laughing about how pouty Janelle’s team is being, then Britney does a rather hilarious Joe impression. And just like they predicted, up comes Janelle to talk game. She’s campaigning hard to get one of her players taken off and Frank to go up. She does have a great point — at this point in time, neither Ashley nor Joe are big threats. Frank is a much bigger threat to win comps, plus he’s extremely well-liked in the house.
And then comes Ashley and Wil to game talk. Janelle wants to align with Shane/Britney against Boogie’s players — she offers up her wedding ring and says if she breaks her word, they can keep it. OK, that’s insane. And Britney/Shane would never keep it if she did break her word (right? I don’t think they would. That would be super mean, even if she did promise).
Janelle keeps working on Joe to get with the program — you have to kiss some butt this week and get Frank put on the block, or it’s your butt out the door. And he at least can recognize that she’s right. You know hippy-dippy Ashley is not the one leaving if the noms stay the same.
SO HIS LIFE IS ON THE LINE THIS WEEK (oh, if only that were literally true).
In his “deal,” Joe doesn’t really offer a deal or suggest a good game move, he just pretty much begs for his life. Then he cries in the DR about leaving his family. Oh, boo hoo. You’re on “Big Brother,” you’re not in Afghanistan.
The Crazy Night
Dan’s sushi party is pretty great, but Shane hilariously wants to use a fork and Danielle has no idea what is going on in terms of what anything is, which is a little weird, right? I’m from Iowa and I had sushi for the first time like 15 years ago. In Iowa. Not in California. And it probably could’ve been before that, except I was kind of young and not really interested in sushi. Anyway, my point is — that’s weird. They’re both models (in addition to the nurse/house flipper thing). They’re not cave-dwellers.
Anyway, the real party is happening inside the house. The six non-sushi-eaters are tearing it up for Wil’s birthday — shotgunning beers, chugging wine, dancing crazy. So when the sushi peeps join the party, they start playing spin the bottle. If you need a recap of that night, read about it here. It was wild — there was nudity.
We will say that Danielle and Shane’s kiss is like the highlight of Danielle’s life. She will not shut up about it on the feeds. And despite what the production assistant with the cattle prod is making Shane say in the DR, he is not interested in more kissing.
Back to the Game
Britney chats with Ian for like the first time ever and he won’t commit to not nominating Shane if he wins HOH. He is super weird about it, though — “I don’t see any foreseeable circumstance” blah blah blah. Just tell her no, dude. You could have gotten her to go away quickly and quietly, but instead you got her radar buzzing. Ian’s kind of dumb sometimes. Sweet, but dumb.
This gets Shane and Britney really questioning whether to leave Boogie with three players in the game as opposed to Janelle. And I’m with that strategy — Boogie’s team is 100x more dangerous than Janelle’s team right now.
They talk to Frank and Frank acts like they won’t put Shane on the block because he kept Boogie’s team safe. But Britney points out that they might put one of Boogie’s players on the block just so they know which way the vote is going to go. Which is a great spin to put on it, even if it doesn’t entirely make sense.
Check this out — they supposedly want Joe out (that’s what Shane and Britney are telling Frank). So the votes if the noms stay the same are Danielle, Wil, Frank, Ian and Jenn. How does changing to Danielle, Wil, Ashley and two of Boogie’s players help get Joe out of there? It frees up two of Janelle’s players to vote to keep Joe, so they only have to flip one. If the noms stay the same, probably none of the players are going to vote Ashley out. It’s a good mind-game to feed Frank (oh, we don’t want you gone, we just don’t want to give your team the voting power), but if Joe is the target, it doesn’t make any kind of sense. Why would Boogie’s team keep Joe over Ashley?
The Power of Veto Ceremony
OK, so the edi
tors skipped quite a bit of this part of the week. Read about it here and here — Wil came together with Ashley, Shane and Danielle to team up (with also Janelle and Britney, though they obviously don’t compete or vote, yet) and they all agreed to use POV on Ashley, put up Frank and then evict him. Ashley, Wil and Danielle are now enough votes to get him out, regardless of Jenn and Ian voting Joe out.
They made a big ol’ pact about having to stay strong in the face of Boogie losing his mind at this blindside turn of events and him and Frank playing their slick mind games for the rest of the week trying to turn one vote the other way, because that’s all they’re going to need.
They all agreed to act like Frank’s not the target and act like he has their vote to stay this week, so that Boogie lays off. It was a pretty good plan. I guess CBS wanted this to be suspenseful, but the wheeling and dealing was actually much more interesting than this episode showed. Another reason to have the live feeds.
Anyway, so Shane takes Ashley off the block and nominates Frank in her place. Frank rolls with it pretty well, but Boogie’s irritated. He was much angrier on the feeds than he is in his DR.
Also, can we drop the pretense that America’s Vote has anything to do with the coaches entering the game at all, CBS? Like that wasn’t the plan from Day One?