You heard right! Late Sunday night at his show in Atlantic City, NJ, Kanye West announced that he and girlfriend Kim Kardashian are expecting their first child in 2013. Obviously, the Kardashian family immediately took to Twitter to share their joy — and everyone else immediately took to Twitter to crack jokes. Hilarious, original jokes.
The baby news has only been confirmed for 12 hours, and we’re already sick of seeing the same wisecracks all over social media. America, we made them famous, and now we have to support each other as we deal with the fall-out. So if we could refrain from repeating the following 5 already-tired jokes for the next six months, that would be awesome.
1. The Mayans were right! Look, we get it. Last week, apocalypse jokes were all the rage, and since you’re still recovering from your holiday vacation, you’re too lazy to think of a new joke this week. Even professional comedian Jenny Johnson — who you’ll remember from her highly publicized Chris Brown feud — decided this was the way to go when she heard the news today. Just like everyone else with a Twitter account.
2. Blue Ivy and/or Beyonce must be so mad! There is always room for more celebrity babies, but since Beyonce and Jay-Z’s daughter Blue Ivy Carter currently holds the pop music celebrity baby throne, many hilarious tweeters think she’s threatened. This joke is not funny for two reasons: 1. There is no question as to which of these children wins the genetic lottery when it comes to actual talent. 2. It just makes you look like you’re trying, and failing, to be as funny as Fake Suri.
4. Fake baby role-playing accounts. Making Twitter accounts for unborn celebrity fetuses is even less cool than making Twitter accounts for celebrity pets. Check out @KimyeChild, @KanyeKimsBaby, @ItsKimyeBaby, @KimyeSpawn and @BabyKimye_. Or don’t check them out, because they’re not actually funny, and you must have better things to do. You must.
5. How does Kanye know he’s the father? Yeah, yeah, “18 years, 18 years, and on her 18th birthday he found out it wasn’t his.” We’ve all heard the song. A lot. But while Kim Kardashian may be a (very) serial monogamist, she’s never been known to date multiple people at once, so this joke is particularly mean-spirited and uninspired. And yet, it’s everywhere.
So go on, make your jokes. Just please try to come up with better ones. We’re tired of rolling our eyes, and we still have a whole six months of reality-show documented gestation to suffer through.
And hey — while we’re at it, maybe we can just kill the “Kimye” moniker altogether? Please?