They might not have won any awards, but Tina Fey and Amy Poehler came out the real winners of the 70th Golden Globe Awards. From their excellent opening monologue to Poehler canoodling with George Clooney, the two comedians made us wonder why the Hollywood Foreign Press Association insisted on sticking with Ricky Gervais for the past three years.
In honor of what is hopefully the first in many, many years of hosting the Golden Globes, here are some of Poehler and Fey’s best lines from the night:
“Ricky Gervais could not be here tonight because he is no longer technically in show business.” – Tina Fey
“We have no intention of being edgy or offensive tonight because as Ricky Gervais fond out the hard way, when you run afoul of the Hollywood Foreign Press, they make you host this show two more times.” – Amy Poehler
“When it comes to torture, I trust the lady who spent three years married to James Cameron.” – Amy Poehler on Kathryn Bigelow
“When left untreated, HFPA can lead to cervical cancer.” – Amy Poehler
“I have not seen someone so totally alone and abandoned like that since you were on stage with James Franco at the Oscars.” – Tina Fey on Anne Hathaway
“Quentin Tarantino is here, the star of all my sexual nightmares.” – Tina Fey
“Meryl Streep is not here. She has the flu, and I hear she’s amazing in it.” – Amy Poehler
“Wow, what an exciting special guest. That was Hilary Clinton’s husband!” – Amy Poehler on Bill Clinton
“Everybody’s getting a little loose now that we’re all losers. Congratulations, Lena, I’m glad we got you through middle school.” – Amy Poehler
“You know what, Taylor Swift, you stay away from Michael J. Fox’s son. … She needs some ‘me’ time to learn about herself.” – Tina Fey
“Our next presenter is so versatile that he played ‘Iron Man’ in three different movies.” – Tina Fey on Robert Downey Jr.
“Between them they own two hours of late night television and 51 cars.” “Please welcome Jimmy Fallon and Jay Leno.” – Tina Fey and Amy Poehler
“This next presenter is so good-looking he makes young George Clooney look like garbage.” “Please welcome middle-aged George Clooney.” – Tina Fey and Amy Poehler
“Thanks very much! Good night! We’re going home with Jodie Foster!” – Amy Poehler
Honorary mention: Poehler and Fey cameoing as two nominees from the fake show “Dog President”: Darcy St. Fudge, the psychic who solved her own murder and Damian Francisco, a volleyball player with restless leg syndrome. Someone, get these two an actual show (or at least a “Saturday Night Live” skit).