On the latest “Survivor: Caramoan” episode, well, a lot of people are pretty unlikable.
Dawn is trying to make peace with Brandon about voting Francesca out. Hantz is acting like sending Fran home as the first person out twice is akin to stabbing her to death or something. Let’s not be so melodramatic. Also, the honey badger joke might have been funny like two years ago. Is the internet behind where he lives?
Weirdly, Dawn starts crying. I love Dawn, but Brandon wasn’t that mean to her. Was there more to it that we didn’t get to see? He was just being stupid old Hantz, it’s the kind of stuff you snicker about as he walks away.
Later, Hantz is feeling “revengeful” and wants to go Russell Hantz on them, which — good luck with that. We know Russell Hantz and you, sir, are no Russell Hantz. Especially if your partner in crime is doofy Erik.
The newbies appear to be working hard around camp — except Shamar. He says he’s “conserving his energy,” which is fine, but you all have to pitch in. He also says nobody is worried about his hydration but him. Well, staying hydrated involves getting water, getting firewood, tending the fire, boiling the water, etc. It’s work.
Dude, you are just setting yourself up to go home! You might be fridge-sized, but if nobody likes you and you don’t help out around camp, you’re totally going home.
Except Sherri is pretty savvy. She wants her “Phillip” to stay, so she is busy rallying up her alliance of six — Laura, Julia, Shamar, Mike and Matt, plus herself. Ten points to Sherri, that’s pretty smart.
In the harsh light of day, Hantz can’t bring himself to act like Russell — yeah, you have to have major stones to pull that off and one thing Brandon does not have is major stones. As Cochran points out, Hantz is kind of a big weirdo. He goes off like a lunatic, then is perfectly pleasant. This does not help Cochran, so he and Hantz approach Phillip about getting everybody on the same page.
Phillip, the “CEO,” says Brandon is “narcisstic” and has to come into the alliance at middle-management. Brandon then runs to everyone else and says Phillip is a bully and that he’s “Boston Robbing them.” It’s not a bad tactic, since Phillip is so volatile.
It’s a swimming challenge, collecting rings from an underwater cage. After all nine are collected, three members have to get one ring on each of three posts back on the beach. There is also a reward of fishing gear.
The fans sit out Laura and we’re off. The Faves get a lead at the rings because Sherri is the only Fan going into the water. It’s super weird — is she refusing to get out? Are the other two reticent to help? It’s really dumb. Also, nobody seems to be able to stay down for very long. They really sent the wrong people out to do this portion.
Going into the ring toss, the Faves have a huge lead. The Fans get back and have a chance, but they can’t land their rings, so Phillip wins it for the Faves.
Back at camp, Phillip gives out nicknames to his alliance — Malcolm is the Enforcer. Malcolm has no idea what is going on, but he nods and smiles. Phillip then does a little dance. We don’t even know what to do with him.
HARE (Hope, Allie, Reynold and Eddie) think Shamar is the obvious choice to leave. But the way they go about doing that is that Reynold calls Shamar out back at camp for pouting and having unacceptable behavior, then declaring Shamar is being voted for tonight. Hmph. That might not be the best tactic.
Shamar is definitely obnoxious, but some quiet plotting might have been the better way to orchestrate that, rather than have a big scene in front of everyone.
BMX guy Matt wants to align with HARE and get out Shamar, which is probably not his best move. Who do you think is fifth man on the totem pole in that alliance, Matt?
Matt approaches Mike and Sherri about getting out Shamar because they’ll still have a five-person alliance against HARE at four. But the rest of the six want Allie out, ’cause she’s a strategic threat amongst the “pretty people.”
Reynold goes a-lookin’ for the Hidden Immunity Idol and finds it. Ughhhh, nooooo. He then puts it in his pocket for Tribal and Laura spots the bulge. Laura worries Reynold will pass it to Allie, but — seriously, girl, it’s day five. You think he’s going to give up a HII? Reynold’s not that stupid.
The HARE alliance is a hot topic. They say they got together because they’re the same age and have the same in common. The “because we’re the prettiest” is left unsaid. Shamar whines and moans about conserving his energy and being so weak because he’s 300 pounds. He then talks about doing two tours in Iraq and it’s like — then stop complaining! You’ve been in war! This is “Survivor.” Why are you so whiny?
Shamar cops to pretty much just sitting in the shelter all day long, but then still calls himself a scapegoat. Not exactly, dude.
Laura then spills Reynold’s beans about the Hidden Immunity Idol and so Reynold just brings it out and presents it, then says he’s going to play it and be done with it. Shamar jumps on this, acting like HARE has villainized him since day one. That’s not at all what has happened. You’re lazy and whiny. I’d want you gone too, that’s not how you are a productive member of a society.
During the vote, we see Eddie vote for Shamar and Sherri vote for Allie. It really should all come down to who Matt votes for. Reynold turns out not to play the HII (which is smart, all you have to do is threaten).
The votes go Shamar, Shamar, Shamar, Shamar, Allie, Allie, Allie, Allie, Allie and … Allie. Yeah. Somebody big like Shamar who is also disliked is a great person to keep around.
Next week: Shamar goes ballistic and Brandon decides revenge is a dish best served with hot urine.