It’s time for the annual “Bachelor: Women Tell All” reunion special, where the women get to snipe at each other and Bachelor Sean for two whole hours. Get your wine ready and settle in.
But before we can get to any of the drama, Chris Harrison and Sean are … crashing a “Bachelor” viewing party? With a bunch of 15 year-olds? That’s kinda weird. Then they go to a sorority house and approximately 300 girls are crammed in a room watching the show.
Admittedly, that would be kind of fun — hanging out with your girlfriends and drinking wine and watching “The Bachelor,” “Mystery Science Theater 3000”-style. But that’s kind of what I feel like we do here every week, readers. *virtual hugs*
And again, before we can get to any actual discussion, we have to relive the season in a video montage that includes roughly 42 shots of shirtless Sean.
The Drama Run-Down
The girls all got along really well, for the most part. Harrison wonders if it’s because they had a common enemy (Tierra) and AshLee talks about her fight, saying she hoped she would be the voice of reason for Tierra. They also think her fall down the stairs and her hypothermia were fake, though Brooke says it’s just because Tierra beat them to the punch.
Um, no. Say what you will about these girls, but we don’t think they were looking for opportunities to fake injuries to gain sympathy. And Tierra clearly loved playing the victim.
Harrison asks the audience not to throw rotten fruit at Tierra, basically. Tierra is definitely trying to look all innocent and demure. She has on very little makeup and the first few things out of her mouth is about how she lights up a room and brings joy into every situation. Mmm hmm. But she maintains that the bachelorettes judged her by how she looks right off the bat. What does that mean? You all judge each other the first night — it’s about sizing up the competition, duh. But we don’t recall people being mean to her immediately after she got that first rose.
Certainly, they talked about it. But nobody, like, knocked her down and spit on her. She then says that the women didn’t like her because she didn’t want to be friends with them, adding that she didn’t want to be friends with them. So ….. what’s the problem?
Tierra then says that everybody talked about everybody else, they were a bunch of mean girls and that she (Tierra) never spoke ill of any of them. She then says there’s nothing she wants to apologize for or take back.
When Harrison opens it up to the bachelorettes, Robyn says Tierra is delusional and Jackie says she was there to be fake. Selma adds that she tried so hard to be friendly to Tierra, but Tierra was having none of it. Tierra doesn’t remember any of this, she claims.
She’s just like a ton of people I’ve met in real life who are extremely ugly towards other people but just have no idea. Tierra is completely lacking in self-awareness regarding her own behavior, which goes right along with the whole “victim” thing. “Oh, I’m never mean. People are mean to me. I’m the victim here!”
We move on to the AshLee/Tierra fight and Tierra claims AshLee lied about talking to Sean, which she didn’t. We remember very clearly, Tierra asked if there was anything AshLee wanted to tell her. She then asked AshLee if she (AshLee) talked bad about Tierra and AshLee very smartly said no, she told Sean the truth. So, it’s kind of splitting hairs, but AshLee didn’t lie to Tierra.
Tierra then insists that AshLee ganged up on her. We’re not sure one person can “gang up” on one other person — the other girls NOT getting involved was actually pretty conspicuous. Just because one person is winning a confrontation doesn’t mean she’s “ganging up” on the other person.
A wishy-washy apology spills out of Tierra’s mouth, but it’s the kind of apology that it’s like, “I’m sorry that you all did/felt this,” instead of a real apology.
Harrison then calls her out on her eyebrow and her “sparkle,” which — OK, we get what she means about not controlling her eyebrow. Obviously she can control her eyebrow and Tierra just doesn’t use her words in the best way all the time.
She means that it just happens, kind of involuntarily. You can see it when she’s just sitting there talking to Harrison. Her eyebrow is going crazy and it does not appear that she’s even aware of it. Secondly, the “sparkle” thing was a dumb thing to throw out during her fight with AshLee because it made her sound a little cuckoo for cocoa puffs. But we get that it’s a cute thing she has with her dad. That makes sense.
However, Harrison then asks her if she’s engaged, which was the big rumor since she’s been tweeting pictures of her big ol’ rock. Apparently, she previously dated this guy and they are back together (and engaged, since January). So, we guess she really did mean that she could get engaged at any time.
Do you think she’d make a good next Bachelorette? She was certainly popular with viewers and her fellow bachelorettes. Anyway, they replay her ouster video with the hilarious live inset of her at the reunion. We always love that — you must sit here and look engaged/disgusted/sad/regretful for the next two minutes while we pad our airtime with your look-back video.
In the studio, Sarah admits that Sean might have been the one for her, and then kind of breaks our heart talking about how all these guys keep breaking up with her. They’re so nice about it, but it’s starting to feel like a line. She feels like they’re saying she’s great, but not good enough for them and she has to think it’s because she has one arm. Aww, sweetie.
But Sarah goes on to talk about how much she learned about herself, like being more open and vulnerable, and how it gives her hope moving forward. She really seems great — would you want to see her as the next bachelorette? We think she’d be very sincere, but we wish we had seen more of her personality on the show. More of her humor and not so much of how challenging things can be for her, you know? But maybe we’d get that on “The Bachelorette.”
How about Dez as the Bachelorette? We liked her an awful lot, though hopefully her moron brother keeps his big nose out of things. After reliving her dumping, Dez says she was falling in love with Sean. She also tries to defend her brother, who she says doesn’t like the way he came off on TV. Well, he did act like kind of a cretin.
There really isn’t much substance to this interview. She’s cute and happy and open to finding love. We have a feeling she’ll be the next Bachelorette.
So, we were totally on Team AshLee, until her rejection. We expected her to be upset (as in sad), not upset as in “Dude, I will cut you.” Because when Sean let her go, she really seemed like she could totally stab him in his sleep, which was an ugly look on her.
In the studio, she says she’s never jumped into a relationship like she did with Sean. She was sure she was going to be the one at the end. It is kind of upsetting to hear that Sean was saying things like AshLee was going to be best friends with his sister. Ouch.
She also says that she was surprised how he was with the other girls, saying he kind of acted like a frat boy sometimes. Hmm. We aren’t sure we’d go that far. Though that’s quite a pejorative, too — we’ve known some very lovely fraternity
boys. They get such a bad wrap.
Sean Comes Out (not “of the closet”) (though that would be quite the reunion special)
He is happy to see the women — they are not all super happy to see him. AshLee, in particular, wants to know what was up.
Sean actually really wins us over when he says he just didn’t have the laughter with her, which A) he is exactly right about and B) is a huge factor. It just seemed like he had such a connection with AshLee and not as much with Lindsay or Catherine, but when you put it that way … we kinda get where he’s coming from.
He also defends the conversations they had about the future because those conversations have to take place if you’re not sure. He also has a point there. Sean is looking surprisingly great in this confrontation with AshLee.
Sean also defends being on a show like this and how it’s a unique situation wherein you fall for multiple people at the same time. Again, point to Sean. However, AshLee is now insisting he said to her he had “absolutely no feelings” for Lindsay or Catherine. Hmm. That doesn’t sound like something a Bachelor would say, even in the fantasy suite. They know how this show works.
Sean categorically denies saying anything of the sort and AshLee just keeps saying, “C’mon, Sean. Sean, c’mon” and batting her giant eyelashes at him. Hmm. She insists she’s not making that up. Why not tell us exactly when he said that?
That was super awkward.
And then, apparently, while we’re on commercial, AshLee just won’t let it go. What’s weird is that Sean doesn’t ask her when she thinks he said that. Is it just understood it happened in the fantasy suite?
Anyway, we move on to Dez. Sean has nothing but nice things to say about her, and she seems to be pretty happy to see him as well. He also admits the awkward tension with the brother was hard.
A cameraman falls down, Sean goes careening off a mountain bike, Chris Harrison is hilarious in knocking into a lantern, there’s a killer duck, Sean is shirtless in an “I Need to Talk to Chris Harrison” moment. Heh.
We now get a sneak peek at the finale, which mostly involves reliving the journey of the final two women up to now. But in the short clips of next week, it looks pretty dramatic. We can’t wait to see what this mysterious letter is all about.
Who’s your money on? We like Catherine more, but we’re kind of hoping to watch her be the next Bachelorette, so we guess we’re rooting for Lindsay to win?
What say you, “Bachelor” fans?
PS: Oh, the beautiful “Bachelor” dog died! Oh, that actually made me cry a little. Sad.