Time for Hometown Dates, “Bachelorette” fans. This is probably our most favorite episode all season long. We love to see what wacky things the guys or girls have hiding back home.
We jump right in in Dallas, where Zakkkkk is ready to show Dez some fun (as opposed to all those other guys who hope to bore her to tears) — and his first call is to tell Dez about this stupid dream he had about her.
But then it gets awesome when Zakkkk pulls up the family’s sno-cone truck! His family has a sno-cone business?! Has this come up before? We feel like this has not come up before. That’s insane.
They head to an elementary school and it’s pretty much adorable as all heck — especially when Zakkkk breaks out the giant penguin suit. What a great guy! Is he the frontrunner for next “Bachelor”? ‘Cause we don’t think he’s going to win this, but he’s a lot of fun.
At Zakkkk’s house, his family is just as insane as he is. His mom Maryannnnnn, dad Jefffff, brother Dennnnton and sister Carlyyyy are there and they seem fantastic. The love is, like, emanating from my TV in waves. And they love Desiree because Zakkkk seems so happy, though they are, of course, worried about him getting hurt.
Zakkkk tells his mom he has fallen for Desiree and she’s glad that he’s found not only love, but his faith in finding love. Aww.
Then it’s song time — and, wow. Yikes. I mean, that’s super cute? But also kind of terrifying? But Desiree is getting choked up, which is the appropriate response. I would be trying hard not to laugh. Because I am inappropriate.
Later, Zakkk gives Desiree a ring to symbolize the moment he fell in love with her. Wow.
We move down on to Scottsdale for bachelor Ken. Drew’s great, but he’s too pretty for my taste. I like my guys a little more rugged. Desiree is going to be meeting his dad Mal, mom Linda, stepdad Bob, brother Mal, sister-in-law Angela, sister Megan, brother-in-law Kevin, and their two kids, plus his sister Melissa, who is the severely mentally handicapped sister that Drew told Desiree about already.
Drew is really nervous about it, and I would bet Desiree is too. It’s a hard situation, it’s hard to know exactly the right way to act. But the initial meeting goes well and then they head for Drew’s mom’s house.
Drew talking-heads that he’s going to tell his family that Desiree is the one he’s going to spend the rest of his life with. Hmm. Hope they like her, ’cause that could be awkward.
His family seems very nice, though they aren’t quite as gregarious as Zakkk’s family. However, his mom can tell he’s completely smitten, while his dad is ready to throw an engagement party and tells Drew to bring Desiree back into their family. So sweet.
Before she leaves, Drew tells her that he loves her. Yeah, he’s definitely one of the top two — Drew and Brooks, do you suppose?
Also, we’ll say right now we predict Chris goes home.
We go now to McMinnville, Oregon, for a walk in the woods with Chris, complete with small bouquet of wildflowers. He takes her to his little league field (he played semi-pro ball) for some batting practice, complete with eyeblack. Fun.
Still, I’ll reiterate what I said last week — don’t see a spark between these two. It’s just not there the way it is with the three other guys. They start telling stories to his family, then his dad is like, “Let me adjust you downstairs.” (In the basement, not on her person). It’s not quite the cellar o’ dead animals, but it’s still a little weird. What if she didn’t want to get adjusted? How does she say no?
Chris then hops on his dad’s table for a nose adjustment, saying that he’s into Dez — but he does not gush the way the other guys do. This just isn’t clicking for me, can we move on?
Sorry to all the Chris fans. Just not seein’ it.
We round things out with Salt Lake City, Utah, where Brooks has approximately 437 people for Desiree to meet. No sister wives, though, so that’s a plus. Wouldn’t that be a heck of a thing to spring on her on Hometowns? So, this is Margie and this is Lois and this is Adaline and this is Rhonda ….
Brooks is the guy who is still struggling with his feelings. So whereas Drew and Zakkkk have sparks and are in love, Chris is the guy who is in love with no spark and Brooks is the guy with sparks and no love (yet). Wonder if he’ll come around by the end of this date?
As the plinky-plunky strains of the ASPCA play, Desiree wants to remind him of their special moments, since he apparently can’t get past the fact that she’s dating like a million other guys at the same time. Weird, that.
Then they go in a canoe (is that really her first time in a canoe? Is that what happens when you grow up in a big city?) and joke about a duck couple. We’d watch a “Bachelorette” for ducks. You know some of the ducks would be more interesting than some of these guys.
That night, Desiree meets literally 12 or more people. They have on name tags and seem like a lot of fun, though. Much like Zakkk’s family.
Brooks’ mom Janice can see the “love looks” between them and really touts how great a husband Brooks will make. It’s adorable that she’s selling her son, instead of grilling Desiree. Meanwhile, Brooks’ brothers want to know if she can keep up (which is big in a relationship) and Brooks is just glowing when he speaks of her, then they want to know if he can make her happy for the rest of her life.
Brooks’ brothers for spin-off, they are great. And the title is built-in, y’all. Meanwhile, sister Jana gets intense with Brooks about how he should feel about Desiree and his mom applauds the experience for him as a whole, saying that Desiree is looking at him as marriage material.
So, Desiree’s petulant brother Nate is back. She didn’t talk to him for a while after the way he behaved when Sean came home with her and yeah, I’m still with Dez. There’s a way to express your displeasure or skepticism without being a jerk.
Also, this is totally pointless since her brother doesn’t get to meet them. He has no frame of reference, so he’s just a clueless and less smooth version of Chris Harrison, who, thankfully, is coming right up.
I Need to Talk to Chris Harrison
Desiree has nothing bad to say, of course. She does bring up that she loves Brooks and he still hasn’t said it to her. But that’s not a dealbreaker.
Also, she says she’s hopeful for a proposal — you know what we’d like one year? For a bachelorette to say she’s going to propose and do the whole Neil Lane thing with men’s rings. That’d be amazing — make it happen, future bachelorettes.
The men arrive at the Beverly Hilton (whose room service is not as good as its price) and then we see that Desiree’s brother Nate is lurking behind a column in the lobby like a total creeper. Hmmm.
The roses go to Brooks, Chris (WHOA) and Drew. Wow. I totally called that wrong. Goodness, I am not down with that choice at all. Zakkkkk for next bachelor!
As they leave, Zakkkk says he is shocked and Desiree gives him his ring back. Oh, yeah, wow. Major bummer.
Next week: The Men tell All reunion special! And in two weeks, heartbreak!