Ah, the stilted acting, the ludicrous plotting, the labored scripting. If it’s Saturday night, that can only mean one thing: Lifetime is premiering a new original movie.
On Saturday (Sept. 28), the network released unto the world its latest shlockfest, “The Cheating Pact.” A brief rundown of the plot: It’s time to take the CETs (which is the made movie fake version of the SATs) and for Heather Marshall (Daniela Bobadilla, “Anger Management”) it’s bad news because her family is broke and her scores can’t get her any scholarships for college. She and bad girl best friend Kylie (Laura Ashley Samuels) trick brainiac outcast Meredith (Laura Wiggins, “Shameless”) into taking their re-tests for them in exchange for money, which she desperately needs to help pay for her brother’s physical therapy.
All goes according to plan until pesky guidance counselor Ms. Walters (Played by Jamie Luner, in what might be the biggest joke of the film. The sight of “Melrose Place’s” Lexi as an honorable teacher was almost too much.) gets suspicious of the dumb-dumb students and their unbelievable test score jumps.
This being a Lifetime movie, of course things go hay-wire and Kylie throws Meredith over a stairwell and then attempted to frame Heather for the murder. Spoiler: It all ends happily — well, except for poor Meredith, I guess.
– Trying to convince Heather why she needs to cheat on the CETs, Kylie says, “You write the best short stories, Heather. Does the CET have a section for that?” Shockingly, the movie didn’t wrap up with the reveal that it was all one of Heather’s famed pieces of fiction.
– Has any line reading ever been less convincing than Max Carver as Kylie’s boyfriend Jordan saying, “I’m not doing anything until you two sexy badasses tell me what you’re up to”? Woof.
– “I can’t believe this. Do I have to everything?” – Kylie screams into the phone at Heather, after doing absolutely nothing.
– Why didn’t Heather’s mom see her study with Meredith to get that awesome new test score? “Because we went to study at a library or a coffee shop…” Excellent lie, Heather.
– Why would Ms. Walters be suspicious then, Heather’s mom implores. “She’s just bitter. You know how teacher’s are.” Huh?
– Of course the principal would be corrupt and tell Ms. Walters to shut up. And of course Kylie’s rotten mom would just burn the IDs and help her daughter cover up a murder. This is Lifetime, after all.
– Heather apologizes to Meredith’s grieving father for essentially leading his daughter to her death, and he invites her and her mom in for lunch. What world is this?
What did you think of “The Cheating Pact”?