Damon Lindelof had a bit of a cathartic experience with the “Breaking Bad” finale. The self-professed fan agreed to write an essay about the show’s final episode, but ended up having a self-realization about the affect “Lost’s” finale and subsequent backlash has had on his life.
The essay, published in The Hollywood Reporter, reveals Lindelof getting pretty self-critical. “I agreed to write this piece because I am deeply and unhealthily obsessed with finding ways to revisit the ‘Lost’ finale and the maddening hurricane of s*** that has followed it,” he writes. “And this morning? I am Walter White. Arrogant. Conceited. Selfish. Entitled. Looking for ways to blame everything and everyone but myself, even though it is perfectly clear the situation I find myself in is of my own making. And here’s the worst part: I’m still naive enough to believe I can attain some level of redemption.”
As those who follow Lindelof on Twitter noticed, he retweeted many people who sent messages to him along the lines of, “That’s how you end a show,” following “Breaking Bad’s” finale. “Three years later, it appears that it is not just enough to love Breaking Bad’s finale. You also have to hate ours. Yeah, I know. Waaaaaah for me. I should go cry into my barrels full of money. But I swear to you, I’m not looking for empathy. I’m just looking for a way to stop. And I can’t,” Lindelof writes.
He continues just as scathingly, “God, I hate myself. But isn’t that what’s expected of me? Don’t I have to do that? Is it possible for me to ever comment on anything I love without cheekily winking at the audience and saying, “But what do I know — after all, I ruined ‘Lost’? … I’m sick of myself for continuing to beat this particular drum, so I can’t imagine how sick of it you are. If it’s unpleasant and exhausting for me to keep defending the ‘Lost’ finale, aren’t you getting tired of hating it? And so … I, like Walter White, want out. To be free. And to grant you the same.”
Lindelof agrees to “make a pact” with his fans where he will stop talking about “Lost” if haters acknowledge that he knows how they feel about the show’s ending.
“I’m doing it because I accept that I will not change hearts nor minds. I will not convince you they weren’t dead the whole time, nor resent you for believing they were despite my infinite declarations otherwise,” he says. “I’m done. I’m out. Just one last thing before I go … I stand by the ‘Lost’ finale. It’s the story that we wanted to tell, and we told it. No excuses. No apologies. I look back on it as fondly as I look back on the process of writing the whole show. And while I’ll always care what you think, I can’t be a slave to it anymore. Here’s why: I did it for me. I liked it. I was good at it. And I was really … I was alive.”
Will you agree to take Lindelof’s “Lost” pact?