With the latest New York-Chicago rivalry being about which city really has the tallest building in America, Jon Stewart took to “The Daily Show” to put another rivalry between the cities to rest: whose pizza is better.
If Stewart is to be believed, there’s no contest between New York-style pizza and Chicago deep dish pizza. In fact, deep dish apparently shouldn’t even be classified as “pizza” (Stewart’s words, not ours).
“Just let me explain something: deep dish pizza is not only not better than New York pizza; it’s not pizza. It’s a f***ing casserole,” he says in an Italian mobster accent. “I’m surprised you haven’t thought to complete your deep dish pizza by putting some canned onion rings on top of it. It’s a corn bread biscuit which you’ve melted cheese on and then, in defiance of God and man and all things holy, you poured uncooked marinara sauce atop the cheese. Atop. The Cheese. …You know the expression there’s no such thing as bad sex or bad pizza? Your pizza is like sex with a corpse made of sandpaper.”
Stewart continues to rant, “This is tomato soup in a bread bowl. This is an above ground marinara swimming pool for rats. … I want to know when I get drunk and pass out on my pizza that I’m not going to drown.”
At least Stewart gladly conceded Chicago one honor: becoming the Murder Capital of the United States.
“We already gave you guys Murder Capital of the United States,” he quips. “You think we can’t kill more people than you? Please, we let you win.”
Which pizza do you think is better?