This week on “The Bachelor,” Juan Pablo and the lucky 13 ladies head for South Korea and there are two group dates and one solo date, which is unusual. Clare is particularly ecstatic about traveling because she’s never gone anywhere, which is adorable, but then she says, “I don’t even have a kimono!” *headsmack*
Chelsie, Cassandra, Elise, Danielle, Kat and Nikki are the ones called for this first group date. Nikki is majorly bummed about not having a one-on-one and how she has to go on a date with girls “that suck.” Well, some of them aren’t so bad, Nikki. We hear you on the not wanting to share but don’t be a downer.
The date is going to be dancing with 21, at Korean pop group that is basically the Korean Spice Girls. Nikki says she’s not going to pout and throw a fit (like she wants to) because she’s a terrible dancer. Guess she’s only doing that in one-on-one interviews? Seriously Nikki, don’t lose us here, babe. We are Team Nikki, but only if you keep being cool. This brat act has gotz to go.
However, when Nikki learns they’re performing on stage with 21, she says, “I kind of want to crap my pants. I hope we’re performing for the South Korean School for the Blind.” Hee, OK. You aren’t a good dancer, that’s fair.
When the actual performance happens, Nikki truly does look like she wants to throw up. She doesn’t do too badly, though. She’s certainly not the only one messing up the dance.
Meanwhile, Kat (who is a dancer) is really cutting loose with her own choreography, which the other girls are kind of annoyed by. Well, she’s having fun. It’s not like she ran up and elbowed a 21 member off stage so she could take over (though that would have been amazing).
That night at the mingling portion, Nikki decides to just lay it all out there about Kat (who is conveniently off with Juan Pablo), how she’s one way with the girls and then another way when the cameras are on. Of course, this is juxtaposed with Kat telling JP about her alcoholic father and how her mom had to really hold things together, so it makes Nikki look pretty snotty. The other girls are also pretty turned off by Nikki’s gossiping.
Ugh, Nikki. You are quickly falling out of our good graces. She gets her alone time with JP and says she was “giddy” when she got the rose on the last date, then she talks about how much she loves kids. This part seems totally genuine, maybe it’s just that the other women are making her insecure and it brings out an ugly side of her? Hmm.
Nikki gets the rose again, much to the consternation of the other women. Elise says she wouldn’t have Nikki around her child because of Nikki’s negativity. Um, Nikki may be kind of catty at times, but you filmed a sexy adult video that’s on the internet, lady. Dial it back.
Sharleen is just very honest about how she’s not in love with Juan Pablo yet and she’s has no idea if this is the man she’s going to marry. Well, thank goodness. Because it’s been literally — we had to toss that in, no one’s said it yet this episode — a fortnight since you met him. More girls like Sharleen for this show! She’s awesome.
Anyway, they head for a Korean open-air market, where they buy a dress for Camila and sample some of the local cuisine, which can be a little dicey in foreign countries. Not that the food isn’t great for those that live there, but if you’re not used to eating, say, horse … it could be an unpleasant surprise.
They have a rather darling conversation about how Juan Pablo is “not bland.” She has to explain what the word “bland” means and says it’s a very good thing that he’s not bland. They’re just so cute together, you guys.
Later, in a courtyard, Juan Pablo wants her to sing for him and she’s extremely self-conscious about it, which we totally get. That would be nerve-wracking, it’s a very personal thing to just open your mouth and do for someone.
It’s beautiful, of course, and there are more steamy JP/Sharlene kisses. They are super hot when they do that, you guys. Sharleen admits in an interview that JP is a good kisser and that “there’s a shot” they could fall in love. Again, that’s a very normal response for how much you know this person.
The date gets very tense when JP starts asking about kids — as the girls back in the hotel talk about how Sharleen isn’t very maternal — and you can see her kind of freaking out. She tells the truth, though, about how kids have never really been a thing she thinks about because she’s so career-oriented. She also says that she dated a guy with a four-year-old daughter once and it was really hard for her that he had this thing before she came along.
Interestingly, Juan Pablo gives her the rose because he appreciates her honesty. He figures that as a very career-focused person, she’s taking time off from her career to come meet him and maybe fall in love, so she’s demonstrating her willingness in that department just by being there. That’s … very mature of him. Huh.
Alli, Andi, Clare, Kelly, Lauren and Renee are the girls on the second group date. After a short stop at a karaoke booth, where the words are in Korean and so no one can really sing, so they just dance around like fools (in a good way), they head to one of those pedicures where the fishies eat their dead skin. Ew. Sorry, but ew. Not down with that.
Then it’s time to eat octopus, which Clare is freaking out about. We like octopus, but we would hate the fish pedicure, so to each her own.
We have our first “literally”: “Her piece was literally this big, and I know you’ve swallowed bigger things than that.” Hee! Also, correct usage, it would appear. 10 points to Kelly.
At the mingling portion of the night, Renee takes her alone time and says in an interview that she’s going to take the bull by the horns and just go for it (in regards of kissing Juan Pablo). But JP has other ideas — he’s kissed six girls already and he doesn’t want to just be making out with everyone left and right, so he’s not kissing anyone on this group date. Hmm.
Clare is acting pretty possessive of JP, since she had the first one-on-one date. She wants all the dirt on the other girls’ alone time with him and she’s very clingy. Yeah, we can sympathize with having that first, intense date and then getting kind of shunted off to the side, but you can’t get all crazy, you’ll scare him.
But Clare can’t seem to help it, she’s making a list with the other girls of who has and hasn’t kissed Juan Pablo and then is asking the girls who haven’t if they’re going to kiss him. Well, he might have something to say in the matter.
Meanwhile, Lauren is sad because she tries to kiss him and gets rejected. She says she respects his decision not to kiss all the ladies because of Camila, but she does have a point in that — if he’s kissed some girls, what difference does it make? You’re kissing six girls, you’re kissing 10 girls, at what point does it matter more? I’m with Lauren — kiss nobody or kiss them all.
If you really want to have a code like that, to set a good example for your daughter (which is totally cool), then make a rule you aren’t kissing until the final four or something. But don’t arbitrarily kiss some girls and not others.
The rejection actually upsets Lauren enough that she walks off and JP has to buck her up. You can tell she’s super embarrassed, awww. Poor girl.
Then in an outstanding bit of editing, Andi and Kelly make so much fun of Clare eating octopus and just generally being ridiculous and the show then cuts to Clare saying “Oh my god, I ate octopus” in exactly the way Kelly was impersonating her. Awesome.
We do not get to see enough of the funny stuff the girls do behind-the-scenes.
But back with JP and Clare, he breaks his no-kissing rule to kiss her (maybe she doesn’t count because she’s already one of the six). And nothing says romantic like kissing a girl who just told you she threw up in her mouth when she ate octopus earlier.
Thankfully, Andi gets the rose and not Clare.
Instead of having a party at the hotel, they go to a Korean palace, which is amazingly gorgeous. The girls have more or less agreed that the ones who already have roses (Sharleen, Nikki and Andi) will back off and let the other girls have one-on-one time with JP tonight.
But it appears to last about five minutes, as Nikki struts off to find JP and take him away from Clare. The girls find this rather distasteful and yeah, it’s not the nicest move. Is Nikki’s two-faced behavior kind of cemented when even Sharleen is talking about how awful she is? Oh, Nikki. *sigh* We wanted to like you so much.
However, Juan Pablo tells Nikki that he likes her “no matter what goes on in the house,” which is a huge red flag because that implies somebody ratted on Nikki to JP and she thinks it was Clare, because Clare was the one with him right before it happened.
Nikki confronts Clare, who says she didn’t say a word to him (and we did not see her do that), but she does take the opening to tell Nikki she’s one way with the girls and another way with Juan Pablo. Clare says if JP saw the way Nikki acts in the house, he wouldn’t give her a rose. Hmm.
Sharleen, Nikki and Andi already have roses and there are eight more roses to give out, which means two girls are going home. Maybe Lauren is going home, after that super awkward non-kiss, and maybe Danielle, she hasn’t gotten much screen time this season.
The roses go to Renee, Chelsie, Kelly, Danielle (we stand corrected), Cassandra, Alli, Clare and Kat, which means Elise and Lauren are going home. Maybe they can go film “Yule Log Hotties 2: The New Batch.”
Both girls are bummed, with Elise saying, “Who knows what’s in store now?”, like her life just might be over at this point. Geez, lady. Suck it up. You barely know him and you got to see South Korea, so that’s a win in our book.
Next week: Vietnam! And Juan Pablo does not seem to be adhering to the no-kissing rule anymore. Plus, Clare is on him like a barnacle.