Whoa doggy, Season 6 of “The Real Housewives of New York City” is going to be a doozy.
After being off the air for almost an entire year, the Bravo reality hit is set to return in March, and on Wednesday (Feb. 12), the channel offered fans an in-depth preview of what’s to come. So what did we learn?
Most importantly, each wife has a new intro-package catchphrase, because of course. Here they are, ranked from worst to best:
New wife Kristen Taekman: “I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I’m pretty.” –Aww, good try, newbie. But, no.
Heather Thomson: “A true New Yorker never backs down and I’m no exception. Holla!” — Really with the “holler,” Heather? Really?
Carole Radziwell: “If you’re going to talk about me behind my back, at least check out my great a**.” — Come on, Cool Carole. We expect better.
Sonja Morgan: “Sometimes Sonja has to go commando. What can I say?” — What can you say? How about something intelligible? Try starting with that.
Aviva Drescher: “When people tell me I’m fake, I know they’re just pulling my leg.” — So close to top honors, Aviva. That leg pun, that’s gold.
Ramona Singer: “Get the Pinot ready because it’s Turtle Time.” — Callbacks a plenty! This is Ramona’s world and we’re all just living in it.
7 other things to look forward to/dread:
1. Sonja’s apparently dating 23-year-olds. HAHAHAHAHA. Heavy emphasis on “apparently.” In reality, Ms. Morgan will continue her descent into “Grey Gardens” territory: Her house is in trusteeship, her teeth are falling out. It looks rough.
2. Ramona, who’s currently going through a dramatic divorce with icky husband Mario, will go through a bit of an empty-nest phase with daughter Avery off at college. And it looks like she won’t even have her insane bestie by her side, as things with Sonja seem to be falling apart.
3. Get ready for an extremely rare Housewives crossover. Carole and Kristen do lunch with “RHOBH” babes Brandi Glanville and Yolanda Foster. Why? Looks like Kristen and Brandi are old modeling pals.
4. Kristen, who’s gonna have plenty of home life drama with what looks like a lout of a husband, speaks the truth when it comes to Ramona and Sonja: “They seem like my crazy, drunk aunts.”
5. Aviva will visit the farm equipment that stole her leg as a child. Expect for that to be a pretty uncomfortable experience.
6. The women take a trip to Missoula, Mont. Whoever let this group of unstable drunks throw axes is a dangerous person whose decisions aren’t to be trusted because, Sonja and Ramona and axes? Yikes.
7. That fight. You know the one. It’s the season’s biggest tease. It results in Aviva’s leg off her body, on the floor, during an attempt at a classy affair. How will it happen? Will she throw it at sparring partner Heather? Will someone yank it off? Will it accidentally come loose? We demand answers!
“The Real Housewives of New York City” Season 6 premieres Tuesday, March 11 at 9 p.m. ET/PT on Bravo.