If you’ve only been watching the 2014 Winter Olympics coverage on NBC, you’ve really been missing out. “The Colbert Report” has started its own coverage this week, led by Scott Thompson as his gay socialite “Kids in the Hall” character Buddy Cole and it is awesome.
Above, Buddy meets with U.S. Ambassador Dan Baer, who helps explain the anti-gay propaganda laws in Russia that have been gaining particular attention with the Olympics taking place there.
“The so-called gay propaganda law makes it illegal to talk about non-traditional sexual relationships in a way that would either make them seem good or equal to other relationships,” says Baer.
Buddy wonders how exactly he could be dressed that would get him arrested for being gay:
- “But seriously Dan, don’t you think wearing a rainbow shirt should get you arrested? Why not just go out dressed as a unicorn?”
- “How many zippers on an outfit could one have without appearing too gay? Buttons? Are buttons gayer than zippers?”
- “I was told to be safe, I should go all Velcro so it makes that macho sound when you undo your pants.”
Buddy also says he’s got a plan to make himself seem heterosexual: “I’ve been practicing some basic phrases to help me out of trouble: ‘Can you point me to the nearest hardware store?’ … ‘Women, amirite? Who needs ’em? Except for their vaginas.'”
Below, Buddy gives some tips to the U.S. men’s speed skaters:
- “More Texas, less France.”
- “What’s with this Bieber haircut? It’s a little lesbian.”
- “I had to find a way to make them less attractive. Fanny packs! … Not even Dockers could dampen those fiery thighs. Finally I had to resort to gay kryptonite: Crocs. You look hideous! Heterosexuality achieved!”
We can’t wait to see what Buddy does the rest of the week. He’ll have a segment each night of the “Colbert Report” this week.