Selena Gomez on the 2015 AMAs red carpet

To most people, the life of a chart-topping musician would seem to be a pleasant one. Every day is filled with trips to new cities, adoring fans and seemingly endless paychecks to cash. But that isn’t the case right now for Selena Gomez — who, on her 24th birthday, is worrying fans with words that sound like a midlife crisis.

On Saturday (July 23), the former “Wizards of Waverly Place” star took to Instagram to voice reflective thoughts that seem to pertain to her birthday hours before. Her words were posted following a concert in Indonesia, and it sounds like things didn’t go so well.

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“Tonight I felt extremely unauthentic, unconnected to both my myself and my music,” she writes. “I’ve never really felt like my materials, wardrobe or a video could define me. I act on a moment and fear something that hasn’t happened.”

Continuing with her venting, she adds: “I’m stagnant, I stay still and don’t just sit with myself first and ask ‘Is this where I am, whole heartedly?’ I’ve always told the truth. I’m always true to my word, I’ve shown who I am, but I need to rethink some areas of my life creatively and personally.”

 

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In a video shot by a fan at the Indonesia show, Gomez seems like she’s on the verge of tears while introducing her song “Kill ‘Em with Kindness.” Whatever exactly is going on with Selena is anybody’s guess, but she ended her Instagram post with “had to get that out,” and undoubtedly her fans hope that she has received some peace of mind as a birthday present to herself.