The return of The Chad is finally upon us. Season 4 of “Bachelor in Paradise” kicks off on Tuesday (Aug. 2), giving the breakout star from JoJo Fletcher’s season of “The Bachelorette” the perfect chance to totally redeem himself. It’s prime time for the so-called villain to prove to all the naysayers that there’s more to him than the violent, meat-eating meathead he was portrayed as on “The Bachelorette.”
So, fans of the handsome jacked real estate agent from Oklahoma are going to devastated upon seeing the premiere of “Paradise.” In fact, for those gunning for Chad to be named the next star of “The Bachelor,” prepare for those hopes to be dashed, stomped upon, and crapped on … literally.
The 28-year-old shows up to “Paradise,” and is able to pull of the whole “I’m there to find love” thing for a total of five minutes. He chest bumps and talks “gains” with old buddy Daniel, then after awkward hellos with Grant and Evan, “Hurricane Chad” takes over.
Chad somehow manages to piss everyone off on the entire island before the sun sets on the very first day. And we mean everyone. From the Jorge the Bartender to host Chris Harrison. In fact, Chad tells Harrison to “fuck off,” a moment which no doubt had every viewer at home staring at the TV with their mouth agape.
If anything could nail the coffin in one’s chances to be the next “Bachelor,” it’s getting on Harrison’s bad side. And to bury that coffin six feet underground, proceeding to get so belligerently drunk that you can’t form coherent sentences and then you crap your pants, well … mission accomplished.
If only we were making this up, or pulling a storyline from Lifetime’s “UnReal.” Nope. Chad actually poops himself while laying unconsciously asleep on the ground. The next morning, Chad picks up his board shorts and gives them a whiff. Based on his grossed out reaction, any question as to whether he really crapped himself is answered.
Darn it, Chad. We know there’s a real human with a heart underneath all those muscles. And we know you lost your mother six months ago, and while that is understandably one of the worst situations a person can struggle through, in no way does it grant you a pass to act like a completely disrespectful jerk. He makes fun of Sarah, calls her “Arm-y-McArmy” (she has one arm), and tells her repeatedly to “suck a dick.”
Before Chad finally blacks-out, he briefly has a hot-tub hook-up with Lace, a woman who’s perhaps the only other cast member from the ABC reality series that might be more crazy than him. But even she is able to keep herself together on the first night. Chad quickly ruins what could’ve been TV gold if that budding relationship took flight. It could have earned him an entire spin-off series: “Chad and Lace: Psychoes in Love.” Who wouldn’t watch that?
None of the women feel safe while Chad resides in “Paradise,” and Harrison is left with no choice but to promptly send him home. ABC was not kidding when they teased that Chad would not last long on this series.
The entire situation is both sad and hugely disappointing. Chad was the perfect reality TV show antihero. One of the most riveting original characters we’ve seen in a while. But it’s now apparent that this ridiculous act wasn’t just for “Bachelorette” ratings, or to promote himself as the next “Bachelor” star. A smarter man wouldn’t have gotten kicked off the first day. He would’ve milked this “Paradise” opportunity until he “got his heart broken,” putting himself in the golden seat to be the next “Bachelor.”
Why do you think ABC was waiting to make this huge announcement? “The Bachelor” position was Chad’s for the taking and he crapped all over it … literally.
“Bachelor in Paradise” airs on Mondays and Tuesdays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.