Let’s face it, all those sci-fi movies are wrong. It’s 2016 and replicants aren’t a thing, flying cars are not our mode of transportation and it’s possible we may never have jetpacks in our daily lives. But, what we do have is “BattleBots.” With the ABC series, we can all continue to celebrate a world where mechanical beings exist, doing the biddings of their human overlords … by beating the ever loving crap out of each other in front of a cheering crowd.
Thursday (Sept. 1) finds the second season of “BattleBots” coming to an end. And while it’s always entertaining to see each team’s machine enter the octagon to deliver — or receive — the pending carnage fans know they’re in for, we here at Zap2it thought it might be fun to imagine a scenario where our favorite TV robots go face-to-face in some gladiator-style matches of their own.
Lets get ready to rumble …
Bender (‘Futurama’) vs Rosie (‘The Jetsons’)
Strengths: This is a semi-even match as both Bender and Rosie have service jobs, in which they excel.
Weaknesses: Their utter disdain for humans — both a blessing and a curse.
Prediction: Rosie. That’s right, Rosie. Because while Bender can be smarmy in his ways, Rosie serves the very thing that is Bender’s kryptonite: Booze.
Conky (Pee-wee’s Playhouse’) vs C.H.E.E.S.E (‘Friends’)
Strengths: C.H.E.E.S.E. is an officer of the law, so obviously he knows his way around a pistol. With Conky’s intellect, this match could go either way. With Pee-wee Herman and Joey Tribbiani in their respective corners, this would be one random and chaotic round.
Weaknesses: Conky’s lack of agility & C.H.E.E.S.E.’s lack of logic.
Prediction: Conky. Just make the secret word “cheese” and see what happens.
Vicki (‘Small Wonder’) vs Data (‘Star Trek: The Next Generation’)
Strengths: After Season 1 of “Small Wonder,” the dad stopped opening Vicki’s chest to work on her robot parts because, awkward. That being said, Vicki heads into the fight with her secret weapon “awkward robot puberty.” The lack of logic behind that concept could send Data into a meltdown.
Weaknesses: Vicki is a force to be reckoned with but an awkward robot girl in a babydoll dress may have a weakness for cuteness. Go with us here …
Prediction: Data. Not because of his military training, strategic brilliance or the fact that he’s defeated Klingon and Borg foes … but because Spot, his cat, is just too cute and would provide the perfect distraction for Vicki, the awkward robot girl in a babydoll dress.
Crow T Robot vs Tom Servo (‘MST3K’)
Strengths: The perfect “Batman” scenario. It’s hard to figure who is the top contender in this matchup between these longtime friends.
Weaknesses: See above.
Prediction: If he had time to put a killer fight plan in motion, Crow would win by a landslide. But Tom Servo is one with the element of surprise — and would take down Crow with one crippling headbutt.
Number Six (‘BattleStar Gallactica’) vs Cameron (‘Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles’)
Strengths: Both Cameron and Six come with epic fight skills, titanic strength and endurance. If ever there was a match where the two fighters would be even in their stats, it would be this one.
Weaknesses: Sure, she can time travel, but if Cameron gets extreme damage, she’s out of commission.
Prediction: Taking the above into consideration, Six would easily win this round. If she breaks, any one of her many clones can step in to continue the fight.