Tonight, on the BEST EVER OF ALL TIME episode of America’s Next Top Model, the remaining six models posed in a giant salad. I **** you not, friends. But wait, let me back up. The girls first learned that they were heading to Greece, the 716 of the U.N., to live out their final all-star days. Once there, they met up with Miss J. and Vicky Kaya, the host of Greece’s Next Top Model and were told to prepare for a press conference at their final destination on the Island of Crete. Each contestant got an info packet with some Greek facts and phrases, and the ladies were instructed to prepare a minute’s worth of remarks. Laura, who has enough trouble with her native language, was concerned. The mayor of Crete and some other various dignitaries actually showed up to the press conference, which maybe explains why Greece is currently in such dire straits. Angelea seemed to have the challenge victory on lock, until she used her newfound knowledge of the Greek language to ask where the bathroom was. So instead, the ever eloquent Allison took home the prize of a fancy Greek corset bracelet.
Jay paid a visit to the models to tell them that they’ll be collaborating with designer Michael Cinco to create their final runway gowns, which will have an “immortal goddess” theme. You may remember Michael Cinco from the garbage dump shoot last season. He may also be Michael Jackson, embalmed. Dress ideas ranged from Angelea’s “Greek Grace Jones” to Laura’s “Goddess of Birthed Calves and Wheat.” This is when we need to start lobbying for Laura to make the final two.
And then, it all happened. The girls learned that for their photo shoot they would be modeling underwear whilst in a GIANT GREEK SALAD. They were shot by famed photographer Nikolos Papadopolous, lesser known adoptive brother of Webster. People, there were so many carafes of olive oil poured on so many lady parts. Laura poured it on her face. HER FACE!!!!! Jay almost had my favorite quote when he told Dominique to work her salad, but then he trumped himself with this little gem: “It’s okay to spread your legs, it won’t look raunchy. I wouldn’t put a block of cheese between your legs. It’s not the most flattering.” I mean, the whole thing is amazing. Can you imagine how these people must have smelled of feta for days? And then of course there’s Shannon, who declined to participate in the shoot altogether because of her strong moral stance against posing in giant salad bowls. Way to stick up for what you believe in, lady!