After an Olympics hiatus, “Archer Vice” is back, with Snowball and Lickbag instead of Smokey and the Bandit.
It’s time for Malory to launch “Cherlene’s” country music career, so she’s booked Cher on Travis County Limits, a public access program in Texas. Everybody has 24 hours to get Cherlene to the set, so it’s time for a road trip. And of course, Pam packs 100 pounds of cocaine to sell, which they end up having to throw at some corrupt cops during the second of two high-speed chases — each of which would have made an excellent GIF, if GIFs were like two minutes long.
How sweet is it that Archer tells Pam everybody more or less likes her just the way she was before the cocaine? Forget Archer and Lana, we totally ‘ship Archer and Pam.
Ray: “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to remove my underwear with a blowtorch.”
Archer: “We’re talking about Texas. Somebody somewhere wants enough cocaine to forget they live there. … Maybe we’ll get lucky, find an entire town that wants to commit suicide.”
Pam: “Wonder if there’s a statewide database of towns with sucky high school football teams cross-indexed with towns a black person just moved to.”
Lana: “In addition to sushi, booze and soft cheeses, I’m also supposed to abstain from bus crashes, so stay awake!”
Cherlene: “Hey, Tree Beard! Take me with you! You can do unspeakable things to and/or on me!”
Malory: “It took you long enough.”
Archer: “Yeah mother, nine whole minutes start to finish. What an incompetent boob.”
Malory: “Your words.”
Pam: “Oh my god, I can’t feel my face.”
Archer: “Gee Pam, I wonder if that’s got anything to do with your cocaine-only diet?”
Pam: “Well, it’s a small price to pay for beauty.”
Pam: “How hot am I now? Lemme answer that for you: As balls.”