On “Bachelor Pad,” Krisily gets played and the ugly truth comes out.
Wes wants to have it out about how everybody is so fake and Dave gets in his face and since neither of them can string a coherent sentence together, it’s a lot of “Or what?!” Heh. Before it gets to ridiculous, the Surveys of Truth arrive. It looks to be about 50 questions about the other houseguests. This should be an amazing competition. As Krisily says, “It’s gonna get nasty.”
The Nasty Truth
The idea is people guess who the majority of the house said. Each time you get it right, you get a point. First person to four points wins. We wish the win total was more, four points is not very much.
Anyway, question one is who is going to win? Most people guess Kiptyn and that’s the right answer. Next is who is your biggest enemy? The answer is Krisily. Interesting. Natalie calls her a bitch in an interview, which is rich coming from Natalie.
Question three is who is the most shallow? The answer is Elizabeth, which both Tenley and Peyton get right. Heh. Elizabeth then snots in a talking-head, “I don’t know what ‘shallow’ really means.” Oh, don’t you?
Question four is who is the dumbest? Natalie gets a lot of votes (including all the men’s votes), but the answer is Gwen, so Tenley wins as she got all four questions right. We are shocked that Gwen got the most votes — Natalie would’ve had our vote.
Question five (just for the men now) is who do you secretly have a crush on? The answer is Dave (gross). The sixth question is who will be a bridesmaid and never a bride, which might be the cruelest question yet. Ouch. The guys mostly say Natalie, except Kovacs says Gwen. The answer is Natalie and the guys are still tied. Natalie cries about it, but hopefully it’s a wake up call that you seem like a partying skank and not a bride.
At this point Jesse B., Kovacs and Wes are leading with three points each. Question seven is who is the biggest jerk? We would bet money the answer is Dave, but the answer is Wes and Kovacs and Jesse B. are now tied with four points. The tiebreaker is who has the worst boob job? Kovacs looks ready to barf because he knows the answer is Elizabeth — but he ends up answering Krisily, so Jesse B. wins because he said Elizabeth. Hee!
The girls who had unfavorable answers about them start crying all over the place. And really, the only girl we feel sorry for is Gwen, except she’s the girl comforting Natalie instead of crying herself. Natalie cannot be that shocked, can she? Hard to have a mirror held up to yourself, huh?
Elizabeth is also crying, but she’s been such a manipulative crazy loon on this show, that we can hardly feel bad for her either. She IS shallow, she IS crazy, she DOES have weirdly large boobs for her body. What? The truth hurts, baby.
Notice how normal, nice girls are not crying — Tenley’s not, Peyton’s not, Ashley’s not. They’re good girls and they aren’t crying for a reason. They still know how to have fun and cut loose, but they aren’t crazypants party girls. It’s a lesson, ladies.
Tenley takes Kiptyn, of course. They get to the helicopter and Kiptyn says, “Oh my god, I’ve never been in a helicopter.” Um, how did he get so far into Jillian’s “Bachelorette” season WITHOUT riding in a helicopter? That’s the go-to date! Weird. Tenley even invokes “leap of faith,” which we’re pretty sure he actually DID with Jillian. Haha.
They fly to Catalina to go zip-lining, which would be so much fun, and afterward they have wine and talk about their relationship. Tenley rightly asks, “No what?” and finally Kiptyn just kisses her full on, on the mouth, woo woo. Well done, Kiptyn. We just love these two because they seem so nice.
They get a romantic, candlelit dinner and then she offers him the rose and he accepts and they go into the Fantasy Suite as cartoon forest creatures pull the shades and close the doors and whistle a romantic tune. Seriously, are they not Prince Phillip and Princess Aurora?
When they get home, they have to act all innocent but nobody is fooled. Even a little. At all.
Back at the Double Dependency Ranch …
Kovacs takes hot tub time with Elizabeth and lays it all out there about how he feels, telling her how wonderful she is and whatnot. Okay, we applaud the fact that he realized how hurt she was after the competition and for wanting to make her feel better (yay for guys being observant and sensitive) but OH MY GOD IS HE CRAZY?! Does he not SEE how she IS? Lordy.
Jesse B.’s Date
Jesse takes Peyton on his date and they both think there is something sparking between them. They get a bi-plane ride — wow, they get all the daredevil dates. Afterwards, there is a couch set up on a rug at the airfield, which isn’t that romantic but we’ll roll with it.
Peyton gets the rose, which is not a shock. Even if they didn’t like each other that much, it’d be good business to keep her safe. But then Peyton busts out the straight vodka martinis and Jesse gets, ahem, relaxed and lets loose with a giant burp. He then tells her the only reason she’s on the date is because of her eyes and he then tries to stick his finger up her nose. She gets pretty turned off. He then continues with his weird “country” chug a martini thing and yeah, we’re on Peyton’s side. He’s being a tool. She turns down the Fantasy Suite and he seems to finally get the message.
When they get home, everybody can tell that something’s up because they didn’t use the Fantasy Suite.
Back at the Oblivious Ranch …
Dave takes Krisily off alone and she is so obviously smitten and he is so obviously not. It’s kind of sad to watch because she has no idea that he just wants to shore up her vote and he is not interested in her like that. But she babbles on and on about how he made her weak in the knees and stuff, while he just sits there and looks uncomfortable.
Krisily is sweating, but she is still rallying the women to vote off Kovacs. Yeah, he needs to go because the Kovacs-Elizabeth thing is just gross to watch. Tenley, Natalie and Elizabeth are obviously voting for Wes, but hopefully that’s not enough to send him home.
Dave takes Krisily aside and tells her she’s not the target, that the target is Gwen. Will that get her to vote off Wes? Probably, because she’s too easily manipulated by pretty boy Dave who she had so much chemistry with. Gag me.
Except then Kiptyn goes to Kovacs and Dave with Krisily and they totally bend over and take it from Kiptyn. Seriously, guys. WTF? So did Dave just get Krisily to vote out Wes and subsequently change his vote to Krisily? That is an impressive bit of snakiness right there.
Gwen says she stuck to her guns and played with integrity — uh, what? We’ve barely seen you, lady. The roses go to Tenley, Peyton, Jesse B., Kiptyn (already had them), Natalie, Ashley, Dave, Nikki, and Elizabeth. The final two roses are between Gwen, Krisily, Kovacs and Wes.
The final two roses go to Gwen and Kovacs. WOW! So Dave totally played Krisily. He got her to vote for Wes and then voted her off. Wow. WOW. That is so crappy. I hope she punches him in the face. She calls out the couples, but doesn’t call out Dave specifically, which is too bad.
Dave says in a talking head that Krisily “embarrassed herself.” Wow. Just when you don’t see like an a-hole, you go right back to that persona. In his limo ride, Wes knows exactly what happened with Krisily. Yeah, that’s a shame.
Next week: Half the g
irls are leaving right away to even up the numbers.
Photo credit: ABC