So somebody finally stepped up in the “Big Brother 13” house when Daniele put Brendon and Rachel on the block. Brendon “gallantly” took Rachel off the block when he won the Power of Veto and now it’s Brendon vs. Jordan. Do you think there’s a chance he stays? I don’t.
Julie welcomes us tonight with extra big hair and eyelashes that look like giant spiders are trying to crawl out of her eyeballs. She also says that tonight one of the power couples will be “torn apart” – again, like the evicted houseguest faces a firing squad.
In the DR, Jordan says she thinks she has more people on her side than Brendon – but she wants to know if she’s going home because she has to make sure to wear her special eviction dress. I’m sorry, I find Jordan absolutely charming. I just love her.
Meanwhile, Rachel begins the three-day meltdown leading up to Brendon’s eviction. This is awesome. After putting up with Brenchel’s bullying and Rachel’s lack of self-awareness and obnoxious personality, we deserve to watch her melt down. Brendon bucks her up by saying to play with the big brain she has, which is what he’s attracted to about her – how damn smart she is. That says a lot about how smart Brendon is too.
Kalia and Daniele celebrate in the HOH room, but Dani is still slightly worried about Jordan leaving, which would totally screw her. She knows she has Lawon, Kalia and Jeff’s votes. She definitely doesn’t have Porsche or Rachel. Adam and Shelly are going to be huge this week.
There is a quick DR where Porsche has on crazy gold earrings that can probably be seen from space. Seriously, why would you wear those? They scream hooker.
Brenchel start working on Adam and Shelly and Shelly makes it sound like she and Adam are on board. Shelly’s going to have to pick a side this week. She’s been amazing at playing both sides, but she has to make a decision this week.
In another awesome Porsche fashion decision, she talks to Daniele in the HOH room in the latest cultist-gymnast chic. Porsche seems receptive, but I think it’s an act. She’s so far in Rachel’s pocket – speaking of Rachel, she wanders in and it’s totally awkward. So she leaves.
She then DRs that the thought of Porsche voting out Brendon and hanging out with Daniele drives her crazy. Because Rachel is a self-centered control freak and you’re either her friend or you don’t get to have friends.
Porsche advises Rachel to stop the crazy, sad act because it’s making everyone uncomfortable and she, of course, snaps and stomps across the yard with her butt hanging out of her shorts, yelling about how it’s going to be her against the whole house, just like last summer. Um, maybe if you weren’t so awful people would like you. Funny how that works.
More crying. “Nobody cares in this game about anybody but themselves.” Um, NO S***! It’s a game. For money. Why would anybody give a crap about you and your man, who keep winning competitions and evicting people?! Also – do you care about anybody who isn’t you or Brendon? NO. The lack of self-awareness, even though I expect it, is staggering. The hypocrisy is unbelievable. It’s like – “I get to be this way, but everybody else has to be this other way and how dare they have the audacity to be the way I am.” Classic bully.
Now the pity party turns to “you shouldn’t have even asked me to marry you, people are going to hate me more, I’m never gonna get a job, I’m not even that smart.” Um, yes. On all counts.
So we check in with Evel Dick. He’s annoyed at how Daniele is playing the game, which is admittedly not great, but she’s getting better. It’s pretty pointless. He’s interesting in the game. Commenting on the game? Not so much.
The Live Vote
Julie checks in with the contestants. It’s stupid. Rachel talks about how special and amazing Brendon is and we all try not to vomit. Then Dani talks in the HOH room privately. Dani astutely says that she can’t work with Rachel if Brendon is evicted because Rachel is a crazy person who takes of all this emotionally. She sees Dani as “breaking up a marriage, not a couple in the game.” Yes! She will probably try to stab you in your sleep. One eye open, Dani. One eye open.
The votes go Jeff for Brendon, Rachel for Jordan (already crying), Kalia for Brendon, Adam for Brendon, Porsche for Jordan, the Mad Hatter for Brendon and Shelly for Brendon. Smart on Shelly and Adam’s parts.
After the vote is revealed, Rachel throws herself on a pike, wailing and gnashing her teeth. Not really, but would you have been surprised? Brendon rushes by everyone else so he can hug Rachel for a long time.
So, I’m shocked they skipped over the wedding, aren’t you?! There was a “Big Brother” wedding on the live feeds, in case you missed it. You can still sign up for the live feeds so you don’t miss stuff like the wedding.
In his exit interview, Brendon is choked up. His goodbye message from Kalia is pretty snarky, Jordan’s is funny, Daniele’s is a little haughty and Rachel, of course, cries and cries and talks about babies and how they will see their love story on DVD. Um, I would be embarrassed to show my kids DVDs of these two seasons if I had behaved as Rachel has.
So we already knew about this due to CBS accidentally putting up the America’s Vote poll early. Someone is coming back – the next evicted houseguest will battle whoever wins the poll to come back. All the houseguests are told is that the next person to get evicted will have a chance to return. Hopefully the “live battle” is hand-to-hand combat.
Also – vote for Cassi. What better way to shake up the game than put Cassi back in the house? She’s a way better choice than Keith or Brendon and honestly, Dominic isn’t as fun.
Head of Household Competition
The hamsters face off in pairs where they answer a question based on the first three evicted houseguest, so the answer is either Keith, Cassi or Dominic. You buzz in first and are correct, you get to choose the next two to face off and your opponent is out. Incorrect and you’re out. If no one buzzes in, both are out.
Jordan and Kalia are first and Kalia gets “Dominic” right before the question is even over. She hooses Lawon and Rachel, which – really? You pick Lawon to go up against Rachel if you want her out? Rachel gets “Keith” right and picks Kalia and Adam. Kalia gets “Dominic” right in a question that involves Adam, haha, and picks Rachel and Porsche. Rachel rings in early with “Dominic,” swears, it’s wrong and she’s out. Porsche picks Shelly and Jeff. Shelly gets “Cassi” right and puts Porsche and Kalia up. Kalia gets “Keith” right and it’s Kalia vs. Shelly. NICE. I’m happy either way.
Kalia gets “Dominic” right for the win. Good for her! Woot. I can’t wait to see who she nominates and the live feeds should be fun tonight because Rachel is going to be scrambling and probably losing her mind some more. So sign up for the live feeds
so you can follow along with all this week’s shenanigans.