Welcome back to Big Brother, where the impossible becomes the inevitable. Namely, we’re flashing back to Thursday night, when America voted Brendon a chance to get back in the house, because America hates me. Diary Room cuts of Rachel talking about how perfect this is, and Kalia talking about how it’s her worst nightmare. As I pointed out last week, this could have been a battle between Brendon and Rachel instead of Brendon and Lawon, and Kalia says they could have gotten rid of at least one of them. Daniele is also worried: “Worst-case scenario: Jeff, Jordan, Brendon. Rachel, together…again.” Of course, the only reason this was necessary was because they needed to make up for the week of “action” that Evel Dick’s early departure created. As always, Evel Dick ruins everything.
So then Brendon won the massacre against Lawon (which means that the four people who are now permanently evicted from the house are the four Regulators, which makes them the worst alliance in history) and got back into the house because God also hates me. Obviously Rachel’s joy is almost as loud and obnoxious as her misery, and Kalia’s feeling remorseful about getting rid of Lawon. Not to mention pretty stupid. And Jordan’s happy because “I don’t have to babysit Rachel any more!” Daniele’s obviously unhappy about all her efforts from this past week going for naught. Inside the house, Brendon’s photo on the memory wall goes back to color while Lawon’s goes to black and white, which, as far as superpowers go, is pretty lame. Jeff’s pretty happy about his reconstituted alliance’s chances for winning HoH next. Then everyone but Kalia, Porsche, and Daniele goes into the purple room to have a little celebration. Yes, even Adam, even though no one invited him.
As for Kalia, Daniele, and Porsche, they gather in the bedroom to share regrets and recriminations. Like me, Kalia also wonders why Brendon of all people was voted in, and DRs emotionally about everything she did being for nothing. Well, welcome to Big Brother, where “Expect the unexpected” means “**** you, sucker.”
Jordan hands Rachel off to Brendon with great ceremony so they can have some “alone” time in the purple room. After about ten seconds of kissing, Rachel tattles on her enemy houseguests to Brendon, who is getting all indignant on her behalf, looking like he’s about to go out there and crack some skulls. She also notifies him of Shelly’s “secret” deal with Jeff and Jordan, which Rachel knows about because Shelly was whispering about it to Jordan while she thought Rachel was asleep. About time Shelly’s big mouth got herself in trouble instead of someone else.