“Brooklyn Nine-Nine” visits the “Tactical Village,” which is the “most fun day of the year” even if they don’t have cotton candy there (it kinda sounds like they should.)
Tactical Village Day
Instead, “Tactical Village” is a mandatory training course. But the precinct gets to try out new weapons, which they get really, really into. Peralta has been up for “coolest kill” in previous years, and he swears he’ll shoot everyone “in the face” to win. And he’ll do it as “Rex Buckingham,” his British super-spy alter ego.
Is Peratiago still a thing? Yes. Especially after Santiago meets up with a long-time (and cute) fellow cop friend, Teddy, and Peralta gets a little ruffled. After Teddy and his team set a new tactical simulation course record, Peralta has to one-up it. He ends up beating the course using the “upsi-downsies” cool gun hold thought up by none other than Scully, but Santiago still goes out with Teddy afterward. Sad trombone. But this is totally going to happen, even if Santiago keeps seeing Teddy. End of season cliffhanger anyone?
Boyle has “STD” cards. That is, “Save the Date” cards for his wedding to Vivian. But he doesn’t give one to Diaz, which gets her a little upset. So much so that she uses a “portable ultrasonic weapon” sound wave machine on him (we’re going to be using “I can taste my thoughts” from this point forward) along with various other instruments of non-bloodletting torture.
In the end, Boyle “saves” Diaz during the tactical simulation, and she admits she’s ticked he didn’t invite her to his wedding. He says Vivian thinks it would be weird to invite Diaz since he “used to be, you know, all consumed by my passionate love for you or whatever.” But he does give her an STD … card, and she’s happy to have it. Even if we do find out Boyle actually told Vivian that Diaz wasn’t originally available to attend, and Vivian has no idea as to Boyle’s former (current) love for her. Aww.
And Gina gets Captain Holt addicted to a game — “Cwazy Cupcakes” — which gives us the opportunity to hear Andre Braugher says “cwazy” repeatedly. How does he break the addiction? He finds out that he and Hitchcock are on the same level, “Sprinkle City.”
- “Why is this HAPPENING? I can TASTE my THOUGHTS.” – Boyle
- “OK, I know you have two bullet wounds in your butt, but you have to stop calling them your ‘buttholes.'” – Santiago to Boyle
- “Will your first dance be to ‘You Give Me Fever’?” – Santiago
“Serving crabs at the reception?” – Terry
“Do you have herpes?” – Gina
- “Jesuit. Horticulture. Lammm-b.” – Peralta, trying to sound sexy
- “If I want to play ‘Cwazy Cupcakes,’ I will PLAY ‘Cwazy Cupcakes.'” – Captain Holt
Please let Peratiago be a thing, but not kill the show, mmmkay?