Looks like the trolls just hit the scoreboard, Mr. Vatican Warlock Assassin, sir.
Charlie Sheen was officially fired from “Two and a Half Men” on Monday afternoon, a move that surprises exactly no one in the midst of his extremely public meltdown. Sheen has reacted as expected – with a flurry of text messages to various media outlets. He made no mention of the 11-page letter his lawyers received from Warner Bros, but TMZ got their hands on a copy.
In case you have better things to do than read 11 pages of WB reps stating the obvious about the trainwreck we’ve all been watching, here are the basics.
First of all, WB’s lawyers make sure to note that Sheen’s “been engaged in dangerously self-destructive conduct and appears to be very ill.” To quote the Tiger Blood Winner himself: Duh.
They go on to note that the production’s problems with Sheen began with his divorce from Denise Richards and all of the drugs-porn-hooker scandals that came with it. They made accommodations for Sheen until February of this year, when his off-camera behavior began to have too negative an impact on the show. The letter notes that Sheen’s physical appearance was a problem, he could no longer deliver his lines properly, and that he poisoned key working relationships.
They detail several of Sheen’s benders, including the Plaza hotel fiasco and a Las Vegas trip that caused him to miss rehearsal. They note Sheen’s response to the allegations, including his Alan Iverson classic, “I missed practice. Come on, guys, we’re talking about practice.”
“As outtakes of the filming show, Mr. Sheen had difficulty remembering his lines and hitting his marks. His conduct and condition created substantial tensions on the set. Mr. Sheen conceded in one or more of his numerous recent interviews that he sometimes showed up to work after not having slept and needed to move his mark to accommodate his need to “lean” on something, for balance. These few examples all confirm Mr. Sheen’ s rapid physical and mental deterioration resulting in a failure to perform his essential duties.”
It’s also noted that those controversial Lorre vanity cards were actually approved by Sheen before they were aired.
According to the document, when WB notified Sheen of the show’s suspension for the season, they asked him to propose a solution to the problem, but he hasn’t come up with anything. He also hasn’t been able to get a medical professional to attest to his sobriety.
Warner Bros. says that they are under no obligation to pay Sheen for the canceled episodes, because “incapacity” is covered in the terms and conditions of his contract. Incapacity includes “mental disability” and “any material change in Performer’s appearance or other attributes.”
They conclude by making it very clear that if Sheen can sue WB, they’ll sue him right back: “In any ensuing arbitration, Warner Bros. will seek recovery of all of its damages including lost revenue from the Show, and all other damages the law allows.”