There’s one aspect of Friday’s (April 29) royal wedding we haven’t seen covered adequately: could the Prince William, Kate Middleton, Queen Elizabeth and the rest of the wedding party survive a zombie attack? And what can attendees do to help?
Thanks to the smarties at ology.com, the royal family will be well equipped with plenty of undead-thwarting tips to make sure the undead don’t spoil (he he) Kate and Wills’ nuptials.
Suggestions for a zombie-infested Westminster Abbey include:
Control the flow: “Should the general guests begin abrupt transformations into flesh-hungry terrors, your best bet is to force the horde back through the doors and hold at the Great North Door.”
Spare no one: “You might assume that merely disabling infected members of the royal family will be in some way beneficial to the Crown, should a cure be discovered. You might think there’s no sense offing dukes and duchesses when a vaccine might be right around the corner! Regretfully, old boy, you’re wrong.”
Crowns save lives: “England’s historical kings and queens started wearing crowns for the explicit purpose of zombie protection. The sheer majesty of the British crown, combined with the spiny pointy bits, can reject even the most insistent shambler.”
Be thorough: “Confirm fatalities as you work you way through the crowd, saving whom you can. You don’t want anything chomping at your ankles while you’re single-handedly dragging England from the killing field.”
God (and you) Save the Queen: “In a combat situation, though, you have to keep your priorities in order. And your #1 priority as a Royal Wedding Zombie Survivor is to rescue your gorramn sovereign. Her Royal Majesty is the single greatest threat to zombie supremacy currently breathing on planet Earth. Pay whatever cost is required to ensure that she makes it out alive.”
Above, a screen grab from “Class 3 Outbreak,” a Google maps-based zombie game, customized for the royal wedding.