On “Desperate Housewives”: There are secrets all over Wisteria Lane this week, but the biggest one from a viewer perspective has to be what’s up with Paul Young and his crazy new wife, Beth. He buys his old house, but doesn’t plan to move into it, then offers to buy Mrs. McC’s (but she’s not selling). He doesn’t share anything with Beth, even though he promises to stop keeping secrets — which is really just an attempt to get sex. She one-ups him in the crazy department, though (and I’m guessing also in the secret department, though we don’t know yet), when she chops bell peppers like she has a little too much knife-wielding experience.
Susan’s still keeping her own secret, too: that she’s HOT! And it’s a well-kept secret since it’s hard to see on a high-definition TV. Really, though, she’s still making money for her oblivious husband by stripping on the internet. Until her company expands and starts plastering her face up all over town to advertise (as if they don’t have anyone young and cute to use instead?). She has to pay the company $9,000 to keep the billboards from going up, so she agrees to take on more private, one-on-one webcam action. Which you just know is going to get totally creepy. Speaking of, a mystery man picks up one of her discarded billboards at the episode’s end; maybe it’s Paul.
Gaby and Carlos go through with meeting their biological daughter (Gaby’s mini-me, Grace) and her parents. The families decide they’ll all be friends, but Gaby starts butting in (of course), wanting to buy Grace nice things like she should have had. Grace’s mom and then Carlos tell her to back off, so she gives Grace a nice necklace in the end and says it’ll be their secret.
Meanwhile, Bree and Renee are in a full-out war over Hot Handyman, using grandchildren and little people as weapons. In the end, they sign a peace accord, though, and Bree gets to keep the booty. And Lynette’s exhausted and busy, as any mother of five would be, so she starts leaving baby Paige with Penny. It works out so well she just keeps doing it, until the school has to tell her she’s basically abusing her child — even though Penny’s doing it willingly. She apologizes tearfully to Penny and then tells Tom to get her a nanny so she can be a better mother.
Photo credit: ABC