It’s a “ho ho ho happy happy happy” holiday celebration on the “Duck Dynasty” Christmas special! As usual, it’s a down home party, with lots of food, family and some really good lines.
Korie has taken on the task of producing the church’s nativity play; she does have a whole bunch of bearded men at her disposal. It’s a Robertson family affair! Willie is Joseph, Jep is the innkeeper, and Si, Jase and Godwin are the Three Wise Men. Si says he wants to be the one who brings the “Franken-Scent.” “It’s a prefix,” he explains. “Franken-Berries. Franken-Stein. Franken-Beans.” Jep has a problem with stage fright and his one line (see below for the variants,) and Jase wants to make “wise” edits to the script (“a ‘casket’ of gold is morbid! A wise man would bring… a satchel.”)
Meanwhile, Phil agrees to take Jessica, Jep’s wife, and Miss Kay out hunting for a wild hog, which will be the Christmas pageant feast. Miss Kay says that there are two Phil modes – regular Phil, and hunting Phil. And hunting Phil doesn’t appreciate yapping yuppies on their cell phones, even if Jessica insists she’s a “country pioneer girl.” In the end, Phil bags a hog, and makes Jessica drag it out from the woods and help with the gutting. Merry Christmas, viewers. Here’s some hog guts!
Willie is on a mission to give Korie the best Christmas present ever, since he’s been called out as the worst gift giver in the world (previous gifts: a “Bedazzled” clutch and a Snuggie.) He decides on a blown-up framed family portrait and he asks Martin to go pick it up at the framing shop. Once Martin returns, he says he also picked up Jase’s portrait while he was there; Jase went with the same gift. But Korie and Missy love the portraits and all is well.
In the end, everyone assembles at the church in costume, and Alan, the beardless Robertson pastor brother, introduces the narrator, Phil. Korie blows her first line, and Jep nailed his only! It’s a Christmas miracle! “Satchels” of gold and franken-scent are presented by the Wise Men, and the church feasts on smoked wild hog. It’s a good night for the Robertsons.
If you weren’t aware, the special was sponsored by Wal-Mart. It’s the place to find a veritable slew of “Duck Dynasty” merchandise, if you don’t want to use our “Duck Dynasty” gift guide and shop from the comfort of your own home.
- “There’s no room here for y’all. We do not have any rooms. There is no room for you. There are no rooms. We ain’t got room for y’all here. No rooms here. We do not have any rooms.” – Jep, in his award-winning turn as The Innkeeper
- “We go through boats like Si goes through tea.” – Jase, pushing a canoe around Wal-Mart.
- “Every Christmas, it just seems like my house is invaded by yuppies.” – Phil
- “Love me, love my decorations.” – Miss Kay
- “Ham comes to those who whisper.” – Phil
Merry Christmas, y’all.