The First Ever Glee Holiday Extravaganza finds Will Schuester suffering mightily through the seasonal good cheer, as this will be his first Christmas spent all by his lonesome, presumably because his parents died in a horrific and fiery car smash at some point over the last year and nobody thought to tell us about it. Because Will is nothing if not expert at sublimating his private disappointments by manufacturing supposedly educational tasks for his hapless Glee Clubbers, he decides to send the kiddies caroling throughout the school in order to raise funds for Lima’s McKinney-Vento unfortunates, but all seems lost when the kiddies find themselves pelted with footwear as thanks for their troubles. How wonderful, then, that Sue Sylvester decided to rig the faculty’s Secret Santa exchange so that each and every one of her colleagues ended up drawing her name. With an assist from Coach Beiste (and those few football players who aren’t otherwise occupied hurling Yuletide slushies at adolescent outcasts), Mr. Schue promptly confiscates all of Sue’s ill-gotten gains, intending to donate her fur-lined track suit, her really expensive blender, and her half-dozen Shake Weights to the homeless, but alas! Will makes the fatal error of calling Sue a grinch, so what does Our Miss Sylvester do? She dresses up as the actual Grinch — with notable Sue Sylvester sidekick Becky costumed as notable Grinch sidekick Reindog Max — and steals all her gifts back after thrashing New Directions’ tacky holiday decorations with a golf club. Sniff! It’s almost enough to make Yours Truly believe in Santa Claus again.
Speaking of which, coincidentally enough: Guess who still carries a torch for that jolly old elf? None other than dear, dim Brit-Brit. Which, you know, makes a lot of sense, especially after last week’s revelation regarding Jiminy Cricket and her jewelry. In any event, Artie finds this faith of Brittany’s endearing, so he conspires with several other Glee Clubbers to ensure said faith endures. To that end, they all head to the mall to present an exceptionally tan Santa with their holiday wish lists, and things go swimmingly until Brittany asks Tan Santa to make Artie’s legs work again. Well, actually, things go swimmingly until Tan Santa pops a roll of Certs in his pants pocket when Santana Lopez perches on his lap, but it’s the Brittany thing we’re supposed to be worried about. Artie and some of the other boys convince Coach Beiste to pose as Santa in order to explain to Brittany why some wishes can’t ever come true, but Brittany’s miserable reaction to this news softens Coach Beiste’s already nougaty interior, and the coach effects a true Christmas miracle when she somehow hacks up $100,000 to buy Artie an as-yet-unreleased ReWalk. I know high school football programs are disgustingly overfunded, but really?
In other similarly heartening news, Kurt’s settling in quite nicely at Dalton, thank you very much, and Finn and Rachel are dunzo. And in the end, Sue for some reason decides to deck Will’s halls with boughs of holly, and I am very sad to note that “deck Will’s halls with boughs of holly” is not a fun euphemism for physical violence.