There’s a proposal. There’s a wedding. And many people sing many songs.
Do any of these things lead to season-ending resolution? Not really, but there’s plenty to entertain you on the way.
Good Brittany S. Pierce
Kids, if you want to go to college, you should study hard, ace the SAT and have a bunch of activities. Doodling on the back of a Scantron sheet really isn’t enough.
And you can find any pattern you want in randomness if you try hard enough. Just saying …
“Brittany, it’s possible that you might be the most brilliant scientific mind since Albert Einstein.”
Rachel is all alone
But she can sing really good. Not that it matters. Maybe it will be more important next season. In the finale, we just see Rachel (Lea Michele) rocking the socks off a Celine Dion song.
Seriously, we don’t know if she gets the part or not.
Good singing though.
Brittany insults people — best part of the episode!!!
“Let me break it down. No one in this musty choir room compares to my megawatt star power. Blaine, you’re shorter than your average lawn gnome. Joe, you look like a Yucatan spider monkey. Tina is … You’re just … You’re Tina.”
This is because she got into MIT and was told she’s a genius. Genius means evil on “Glee.”
Nailing 95 theses to the door
Okay, maybe Brittany is a genius. If she’s going to emulate Martin Luther (Kids, look it up.), when quitting cheerleading, I can go with the hidden-brains thing.
Ryder loses it in the magical singing circle
In the great climactic moment of the entire catfishing storyline, Ryder (Blake Jenner) demands to know the identity of his secret girlfriend/stalker/creep. He gets very angry and violent. Shockingly, no one confesses.
Until Marley (Melissa Benoist) does. That’s because she’s sweet and good and probably a little afraid that Ryder is going to Hulk-out next. Naturally, Marley isn’t the real catfisher.
Put a ring on it
When shopping for an engagement ring for your boyfriend, always bring Tina (Jenna Ushkowitz) and blurt out your romantic story to the woman behind the counter.
Hey, maybe that woman behind the counter will be Patty Duke and will become your mentor. Stranger things have happened (in this episode alone).
Oh, and then Brittany has another best-part-of-the-episode: “Tonight’s guests are two sworn enemies who became friends. Then became enemies again. Then became friends again, then enemies. And then everybody stopped caring.”
Right, Sue has a kid. Michael Bolton is the father.
The intervention doesn’t actually happen.
The Tango Brittany
Sam goes to Santana (Naya Rivera) to ask for help about Brittany. If you’ve seen “Rent,” you’ll probably get the heading reference.
Love and Breadstix
I don’t know why Kurt (Chris Colfer) is in Lima for this episode. But he is. This means that he and Blaine (Darren Criss) can go out for dinner at Breadstix with the couple made up of Patty Duke and Meredith Baxter.
Blaine probably hopes that this will end in an engagement. It does. But not for Blaine and Kurt. The two women, Jan and Elizabeth, however, totally decide to make it official.
The complicated (but unsurprising) reality of catfishing
It’s Unique (Alex Newell) who’s been catfishing Ryder all this time. Marley was just being nice to cover. Ryder isn’t okay about this.
Ryder is so not okay that he announces his resignation from New Directions at Regionals. That probably won’t last, so don’t worry.
Brittany makes a lot of fondue
This time, it’s Santana as her guest. But she doesn’t put up with the filming and Lord Tubbington and stuff. Santana is about to get a major emotional breakthrough when “Glee” goes to commercial.
Regionals. Remember those?
First up, the Warbledudes (or something like that) sing “The Rainbow Connection” and make me want to punch someone for performing such a bad version of my favorite Kermit song.
Hey, Mercedes and Mike Chang are there!
Kids, when you’re applying to college and they talk about “early admission,” it doesn’t mean that you have to abandon your school immediately. You start when everyone else does in the next fall. There’s no need for emotional breakdowns.
Those are only necessary when an actress playing a teenager gets pregnant and will probably not be available at least at the beginning of Season 5.
Brittany is probably still broken-up from Sam after all of this. Maybe. It’s hard to tell.
Getting back to Regionals
The New Directions kids sing a few songs while wearing some very purple outfits. One of the songs — the original one that Marley wrote — is the source of the episode title, “All or Nothing.”
Then a prison warden, disgraced football player and contortionist award New Directions with the first-place trophy. The slow-motion excitement is so great that even Ryder and Unique hug.
Nationals will be in Los Angeles. But that’s not coming until next season. So don’t worry about it now.
Wedding bells and Breadstix
Right after Regionals, Will and Emma (Jayma Mays) get married with the glee club. As you do. Then they go to Breadstix.
So where are we at?
- Assuming that the priest guy actually brought the necessary paperwork with him, Will and Emma are legally Wemma now.
- Brittany is going to MIT. She a
nd Sam have probably but not definitely broken up.
- Blaine never got around to proposing to Kurt.
- Rachel exists in a state of limbo with regard to “Funny Girl.”
- Ryder says he’s leaving the glee club but probably will just glare at Unique a lot.
- Finn (Cory Monteith) doesn’t exist, thanks to some pesky, real-life issues.
- It’s still the middle of the school year, so nobody is graduating. They’ll all (Brittany excluded) be back next season, presumably preparing for Nationals.
Is that everything? Probably it is. Now, you may be saying to yourself: “But wait! This finale resolved approximately nothing other than a wedding that’s been put off so many times that it barely matters!” If this is the case, fear not. “Glee” is coming back next season.
At that point, the show will either answer all your questions. Or it will just forget that those questions might exist. This is “Glee.” Anything (literally) is possible on a show that lets Brittany into MIT.