Two terms you wouldn’t normally associate with each other are Mike Tyson and Celebrity Roaster.
But at the “Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen” the former heavyweight champ was just that. In a performance that was somewhere between commanding and confusing, Tyson riveted the audience with poetry mixed with extemporaneous rippings.
Here are some of his highlights:
Tyson started with a simple limerick targeting fellow dais member Jeffrey Ross …
There once was an old man named Ross
Whose jokes were covered with moss
His punchlines was musty
His premise was dusty
I wish he’d suck on a f****** exhaust
Then Tyson began what he called with his tribute to a classic folk song …
I’ve been working on the railroad
S*** but it’s more than what Jon Lovitz’s been doing these days,
Get a f****** job.
15 years without workin’ man.
‘Saturday Night Live’ is not pumpin’ brother.
Get it together.
Iron Mike honored the beat poets with this classic …
I’ve seen the best of minds of my generation destroyed by madness
Starving hysterical naked,
Dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix.
And I say, “Hey Charlie Sheen, that prostitute’s a f****** guy man.”
The champ closed with a simple, succinct poem that draws heavily from his famed Lennox Lewis press conference …
This wife-beating cokehead,
Complains he’s some rock star from Mars,
Man if you were black,
You’d be behind bars.
Which is bulls*** you know because I’m the greatest poet alive.
I’m the greatest wordsmith ever.
I’m Robert Frost,
I’m Lord Byron
My verses are impetuous
My rhymes are impregnable
I wanna eat your children
And with that, Mike Tyson returned to his seat and the crowd roared. Because who would argue with him?