You wouldn’t expect seriousness to sneak in there. It does. Underlying all that humor is a dark truth that most of us have to face at some point in our early 30s: That moment when you realize that you do not, in fact, have all the time in the world. The moment when you are an adult.
Eggs aren’t much good without sausage
Thanks to a rather graphic dinner party, everyone is suddenly slammed in the face with a disturbing fact of womanhood — those eggs don’t last. And time may be running out for girls like Jess (Zooey Deschanel) and CeCe (Hannah Simone). They have reached their early 30s and still are in no position to have children.
Initially, it’s only Jess who’s upset. CeCe, who doesn’t particularly want body-eating children, is cool with the whole thing. That is, she is cool until Sadie (June Diane Raphael), Jess’ lesbian gynecologist friend, informs her that time really is running out. It’s now or never for CeCe babies.
And that’s how it works when you’re in your 30s. No matter how many “adult” decisions you made in your 20s, there’s always that feeling that you can change your mind. You get do-overs. You do not have to regret or rethink your choices, not yet anyway.
Then you’re in your 30s, and you just may be stuck with your decisions. All changes now have consequences. It is time to grow up.
At the zoo
Or, if you’re on “New Girl,” you can just go to the zoo.
Nick (Jake Johnson) has decided he needs to be Ernest Hemingway in order to write that zombie romance novel of his. This means drinking lots of flask-booze and rushing off into the wilds. By “wilds,” we of course mean the zoo. Nick lives in Los Angeles, after all.
Winston (Lamorne Morris) gets dragged into all of this, even though he just wants to sleep on his adjusted schedule. That’s how we suddenly find out that Winston, amazingly, is the most adult person around. He has accepted that he loves his job and kind of wishes the others would just deal.
Nick, on the other hand, is still dreaming and avoiding any sort of completion.
All you need is love
Throughout all of this, Schmidt (Max Greenfield) is trying desperately to please his boss, Emma (Carla Gugino), sexually. But all he manages is to bore her. It’s not lack of skill or anything either — Schmidt’s intimate, graphic and bizarrely erotic knowledge of female anatomy is enough to get even a lesbian interested.
Emma, however, feels nothing.
Eventually, the bedmates realize that love (and/or a modicum of respect) is the missing element. Emma needs to find some of that, and Schmidt needs to realize that he had love mixed up with all that sex — with CeCe.
You can grow up, or you can hang out on Nick’s bed
Guess which one they pick…
Everyone on “New Girl” has realized by the end of “Eggs” that they are — no matter how hard they try to ignore it — adults now. And they’re terrified.
Obviously, the only solution is to hang out on a bed, ignoring their problems and listening to Winston read Nick’s absolutely terrible (but finished!) novel, “Z Is for Zombie.”
The roommates won’t solve any adult problems this way. But, like a word search that contains no actual words, they can distract themselves with the fun for just a little while longer.
They really did say funny things!
Melissa: “It’s all about love and understanding and two sets of boobs.”
Jess, on Schmidt having sex: “I don’t care what he does, but I don’t know why he has to narrate it.”
Sadie: “It’s like the vagina Helen Mirren.”
Emma, on sex with Schmidt: “I was bored. And cold.”
Schmidt: “I’m asking more out of curiosity than fear. Hashtag: Excitement!”
CeCe: “Babies wreck you, Jess. They literally eat your body.”
Jess: “What if all that’s left are the weird eggs. And the evil eggs… I can feel them. They’re turning. They’ve watched their brothers and sisters die. And now they want to be birthed. I need to be fertilized! Fertilize me, Los Angeles!”
Jess: “I wanna give my nipples a purpose.”
Jess: “You care about your burritos more than my children?”
Nick: “You’re putting me in a tight spot right now.”
Jess: “It is ‘The Grapes of Wrath’ in there! It is 1930s Dust Bowl in there, Schmidt. And they are all walking with limps.”
Schmidt: “I must warn you, Jess. I don’t have sperms. I have tadpoles… of the gods. And I’m gonna give them to you. You can have them all, for all I care. That’s how much I love you. I feel your pain in this situation. I want you having babies.”
Jess: “Let’s be guys, just for today. Let’s care about stupid things… Talk about sharks and sci-fi movies and making everything wireless…”
Jess: “I have a lot of eggs. Unfortunately, I don’t have a lot of sausage.”
Winston: “Nick, this is the worst thing I have ever read in my life. You misspelled the word ‘rhythm’ 38 times.”