Warning: Spoilers ahead for the Season 2 premiere of “Orange Is The New Black.” Please stop reading now if you haven’t seen “Thirsty Bird” yet.
What’s going on
After what seemed like an eternity, we finally got to see the result of what happened when Piper took matters into her own hands and lost it on Christmas angel Pennsatucky. Was she dead? Will Chapman have to serve more time? Let’s face it, the Season 1 finale left us assuming the worst.
Most of “Thirsty Bird,” which it should be mentioned was directed by the fabulous Jodie Foster, leaves us feeling as confused as Piper is. She is awakened by a guard out of a deep sleep in the SHU, then put on a bus, followed by a plane and all the while no one will tell her anything about where she is going. Piper fears the worst, assuming she is going to a really bad place for killing Pennsatucky and she is terrified. The guards are on her case about everything immediately and won’t even let her use the bathroom without rushing her.
After finding out she is going to a detention center in Chicago, Piper confides in fellow prisoner, Lolly, played by ’90s screen queen Lori Petty, she did a “really, really bad thing” back in December. Piper seems to truly be losing it when she has an emotional breakdown talking about the incident to Lolly on the flight. This emotional outburst had us wondering if her tears are selfishly motivated as she could be more worried about what the killing has done to her psyche and wondering if Litchfield has brought out this dark persona or if it was within her all along.
Piper soon finds out her trip to Chicago has nothing to do with the Pennsatucky beat down after all. She is being called as a witness for the trial of Alex’s old boss, drug trafficker Kubra Bollock. Pipes finds out this welcome news from Alex herself, who is also there to appear in court on the case. Alex is also the one who delivers the info that Pennsatucky is very much alive and well.
Chapman’s first moments at the Chicago Metropolitan Detention Center are reminiscent of her entrance to Litchfield in a lot of ways. She immediately gets on the bad side of her cell mates when she steps on one of their precious cigarette carrying cockroaches and almost upon arrival a fellow inmate pursues her in a scary way. However, Piper’s new prison wife got locked up after she bit off her ex-girlfriend’s tongue and swallowed it–much scarier than Crazy Eyes’ pee on the floor display or any of her advances.
Before the trial, Alex tells Piper to lie in court and say she has never met Kubra. We see through flashbacks to Piper’s childhood, lying was something she got used to as a child.
She grew up an honest rule abiding daddy’s girl. However, after seeing her father kissing another woman and confessing it to her mother, whose reaction was angry and dismissive, she was comforted by some wise words from her beloved grandmother about making the choice to withhold information that will cause pain to others and keeping secrets.
Larry’s father shows up to serve as Chapman’s lawyer and witnesses her lying in court as well as admitting Alex was the love of her life in front of the judge. Mr. Bloom leaves disgusted with Piper’s actions, vowing not to help her anymore, which Piper seems ok with. This quickly changes when Alex walks by her cell wearing street clothes, she’s getting out! Alex tells Piper she had to tell the truth in court. Once again, Piper has fallen for Alex’s game.
With Laura Prepon rumored to be in only four episodes in Season 2, this was a crafty way to get her to disappear for a bit. She is reportedly a series regular for Season 3, so it looks like freedom won’t last long for our dear Miss Vause.
Piper: “I don’t have to jump off a bus to prove I’m fun.”
Piper: “He’s a hit man? Oh, I thought he was a rapist, I’m so relieved!”
Alex: “Pipes, you are many things, murderess is not one of them.”
Piper: “I was there for Alex. She was what I paid attention to. Who I paid attention to. Everything else was just background.”
Captain: “Hello, passengers. We want to thank you for flying with us today. We know you have a choice in your air travel…kidding! You have no choice at all, because you’re prisoners. Relax and enjoy our in-flight entertainment, which is staring off into space.”
Piper: “I was a demanding poochie. Do you guys tell us where we’re going or do you hand out blindfolds when we land?
“Pulaski at Night,” Andrew Bird– Piper arrives in Chicago.
“Love Bug Blue,” Charles Bradley & Menahan Street Band– Piper finds a cigarette carrying cockroach and the end credits.