How do you think “Family Guy” creator MacFarlane will do as the Oscars host? He will surely be better than James Franco and Anne Hathaway from two years ago — but that shouldn’t be hard to top. The Alec Baldwin/Steve Martin duo from three years ago was quite good, so hopefully he can live up to those “SNL” familiar faces.
Tune in starting at 8:30 p.m. ET/PT on ABC and follow along with our live blog. All times Eastern.
8:30 — We start right on time, which is the last time the broadcast will be on time all night. Seth MacFarlane kicks things off and — wow, Robert Downey Jr. looks mad. He’s the new Tommy Lee Jones, who was not amused during the Golden Globes.
8:31 — MacFarlane gets in a dig at the Academy for not nominating Ben Affleck, who has swept the Best Director awards so far.
8:34 — A dig at Chris Brown and Rihanna and violence, to “ohhhhhs” from the audience. MacFarlane says that’s as bad as it gets, then says no, it’s not. We’d bet it’s not.
8:36 — William Shatner wonders why Tina Fey and Amy Poehler don’t host everything. We wonder that, too.
8:37 — There’s a great from-the-future “We Saw Your Boobs” number that lists actresses and the movies where they showed their boobs. Kate Winslet wins for “Heavenly Creatures,” “Jude,” “Hamlet,” “Titanic,” “Iris,” “Little Children,” “The Reader” and “whatever you’re shooting right now.” Awesome.
8:40 — MacFarlane classes it back up with “The Way You Look Tonight” — what a nice voice he has — and a dance number with Channing Tatum and Charlize Theron doing their best Fred and Ginger. Especially impressive because Charlize is so tall. Beautiful.
8:42 — Daniel Radcliffe and Joseph Gordon-Levitt join MacFarlane for a Gene Kelly-esque routine. Excellent.
8:44 — Sally Field goes along with a Flying Nun bit where MacFarlane hits on her — and then they make out. Goodness. Bet Sally never thought she’d make out with a man dressed as the Flying Nun.
8:46 — MacFarlane closes the show opening with a “Be Our Guest” production, joined again by Radcliffe and Gordon-Levitt. Very nice. Some toilet humor, some classy humor. Overall, pretty solid.
8:50 — Octavia Spencer awards Best Supporting Actor to Christoph Waltz for “Django Unchained.” He previously won this award for “Inglourious Basterds.”
8:55 — Paul Rudd and Melissa McCarthy do a rather unfunny bit about voices before awarding the Oscar for the Best Animated Short Film. Uh, bits like these could be cut so that we don’t have to watch this thing until past midnight on the East Coast.
8:57 — The award goes to “Paperman” for Best Animated Short. Watch it here. Best Animated Feature Film goes to “Brave.”
9:00 — Reese Witherspoon is on hand to introduce the Best Picture montages for “Les Miserables,” “Life of Pi” and “Beasts of the Southern Wild.” With 10 nominees, we’re appreciative they didn’t give a separate montage to all 10 movies.
9:05 — MacFarlane cracks that it’ll be 16 years before nine year-old Quvenzhan� Wallis is too old for Clooney. Heh. Then he tosses Clooney a small bottle of liquor. Yes, wouldn’t want to anger Clooney.
9:06 — “The Avengers” guys award Best Cinematography and Best Visual Effects to “Life of Pi.”
9:12 — Is the wrap-it-up music the “Jaws” score? That’s … the best thing the Oscars has ever done, forever and ever amen. Not that it’s cool to play people off, but if awards shows are going to do it, the “Jaws” music should always be used.
9:20 — Jennifer Aniston and Channing Tatum award Best Costume Design to
Edith Head Jacqueline Durran for “Anna Karenina.”
9:22 — Time for the James Bond tribute, which definitely features some of the best music from the past 50 years of cinema. But we’re so disappointed Denise Richards isn’t there as nuclear physicist Christmas Globes or whatever she was.
9:25 — Dame Shirley Bassey is there to sing her classic Bond hit “Goldfinger.” She’s definitely still got it, especially considering girlfriend is 76 years old. You go, Dame Shirley.
9:32 — Jamie Foxx and Kerry Washington award Best Live Action Short to “Curfew” by and Best Documentary Short to “Inocente.”
9:37 — Liam Neeson is on hand to introduce the Best Picture montages for “Argo,” “Lincoln” and “Zero Dark Thirty.” Talk about grouping together the three heavy-hitters.
9:41 — Ben Affleck gets roasted a bit by MacFarlane poking fun at both “Gigli” and how he looks like a Kardashian.” Heh. He then comes out on stage (we wondered why there was no reaction shot to MacFarlane’s jokes) and awards Best Documentary Feature to “Searching for Sugar Man.” The “Jaws” music starts up again to play them off. Yes! It wasn’t just a one-time thing. Excellent.
9:47 — In case anyone is interested, Best Documentary Feature was supposed to be awarded at 9:41 ET and it was only a couple minutes off, so that’s makes us feel good about the running time. Of course, we aren’t even halfway done yet.
9:49 — Best Foreign Film is awarded by Jennifer Garner and Jessica Chastain to “Amour” from Austria. Lo
ok for star Emmanuelle Riva to pull the upset in Best Actress, maybe.
9:52 — John Travolta is there to introduce a celebration of the last decade of movie musicals, led by the cast of “Les Miserables,” Jennifer Hudson and Catherine Zeta-Jones.
9:55 — It’s been a decade since CZJ was in “Chicago,” but she’s still got it. J-Hud blows it out, too.
10:04 — But the “Les Miz” cast on “One Day More” brought tears to our eyes. That was so good. That whole movie is spectacular, if you haven’t seen it. One of the best musicals of all time and the movie was a worthy adaptation.
10:08 — “Current ‘Star Trek’ stars and future Priceline.com spokespeople” Zoe Saldana and Chris Kline introduce the scientific and technical awards ceremony montage.
10:10 — Mark Wahlberg and “Ted” the teddy bear are there — the bear wants to know where the post-Oscars Hollywood orgy is. He promises to bring “soda, snacks and soap” to Jack Nicholson’s house. Heh. Best Sound Mixing goes to “Les Miserables” and there’s a tie for Best Sound Editing, to “Zero Dark Thirty” and “Skyfall.”
10:18 — There’s a great “Sound of Music” bit where MacFarlane introduces the Von Trapp family singers and nobody comes out and a Nazi runs in and announces that they’re gone. Amazing. And Christopher Plummer is actually there! Oh, the crush I had on Captain Von Trapp as a little girl…
10:22 — Plummer awards Best Supporting Actress to Anne Hathaway for “Les Miserables.” She was a shoo-in, she’s won every Best Supporting award so far this season. She won the Oscar, but did she win the red carpet battle?
10:27 — It’s weird that the “Nashville” promo features the song “Fame” and …. not a song from the actual show. Plus, the show “Fame” aired on NBC.
10:31 — There’s something about a new museum. We don’t know, it’s bathroom break time.
10:33 — Sandra Bullock awards Best Editing to “Argo.”
10:35 — Adele is there to perform “Skyfall.” We feel like Adele should have to sing at every awards show. So, from now on — “Jaws” music to wrap it up and Adele should sing something. You’re on notice, awards show producers.
10:43 — Nicole Kidman introduces the final Best Picture montage, for “Silver Linings Playbook,” “Django Unchained” and “Amour.” Did you see any of these? We haven’t seen “Amour,” but it looks good. Heavy, but good. “Silver Linings” was maybe our favorite picture of the year. Not that it should win Best Picture, but it was just very enjoyable.
10:48 — Daniel Radcliffe and Kristen Stewart are there to award Best Production Design. We love that K-Stew shows up to stuff like this with hair like she just rolled out of bed, but would it kill her to stand up straight and look at the camera and, you know, enunciate? Her mom clearly did not poke her between the shoulder blades growing up. Lots of celebs think so too. Anyway, the Oscar goes to “Lincoln.”
10:50 — Salma Hayek is there to introduce the honorary awards. She is dressed as Cleopatra.
10:57 — George Clooney introduces the In Memoriam tribute, which includes Ernest Borgnine, Jack Klugman, Michael Clarke Duncan, Tony Scott, Nora Ephron, Ray Bradbury and Marvin Hamlisch.
11:01 — This leads into Barbra Streisand performing “Memory.” She hasn’t performed at the Oscars since 1977, when she performed “Evergreen” from “A Star is Born.” She’s still got it, even at 70 years old. Wonderful. Though when we think of this song, we oftentimes think of Tom Hanks singing it. (Wait for it, you’ll get there.)
11:08 — The stars of “Chicago,” Richard Gere, Queen Latifah, Renee Zellweger and Catherine Zeta-Jones, are there to present Best Score to “Life of Pi.” Zellweger’s face kind of makes us sad — Gina from “Empire Records” is starting to look a little weird.
11:15 — Best Original Song goes to Adele for “Skyfall.” Yay, Adele! She’s the best.
11:22 — Charlize Theron (reminding us a little of Angelina Jolie in “Hackers”) and Dustin Hoffman are there to present the Best Screenplay awards. Adapted goes to “Argo” and Original goes to “Django Unchained,” which is the second win in this category for Quentin Tarantino.
11:32 — Jane Fonda and Michael Douglas are there to present Best Director. Fonda looks great, but also very “Dynasty.” Maybe she’ll get into a slap fight with Douglas and knock him into the orchestra pit.
11:34 — Ang Lee wins for “Life of Pi” for Best Director. It’s his second win on his fifth nomination. With Affleck not even nominated, it was kind of a toss-up. We were kind of rooting for David O. Russell for “Silver Linings Playbook.”
11:40 — Jean Dujardin presents Beset Actress to Jennifer Lawrence. That was a bit of a surprise. She and Chastain have been splitting the awards since a lot of awards differentiate between comedy and drama, but at both the SAG awards and now tonight at the Oscars, Lawrence beat Chastain. Huh. The Academy doesn’t usually give awards to comedies (though one could argue “Silver Linings Playbook” isn’t really a comedy). Does J-Law also win the Red Carpet battle?
11:48 — Meryl Streep awards Best Actor to Daniel Day-Lewis. We were kind of hoping after J-Law’s Best Actress that Bradley Cooper would win — not that Day-Lewis wasn’t amazing. During his speech, Day-Lewis makes a wonderful joke about swapping the Margaret Thatcher role with Streep for Lincoln. Heh. If any woman could play Abraham Lincoln, it’s Meryl Streep, right?
11:56 — Jack Nicholson is there, along with First Lady Michelle Obama, to award Best Picture to “Argo.” With his winged-out hair and bowtie, my mom comments that Nicholson looks like Red Skelton. Hahaha.
12:02 — The big final closing musical number between MacFarlane and Kristin Chenoweth starts at two minutes after midnight ET. *sigh* It’s a tribute to the losers.
Hope you enjoyed this year’s Oscars, gang. Thanks for reading!